The Layers Of Being - Spring 2015
Layers of Being

Layers of Yoga, layers of practice...  How deep do you want to go?  How fully do you want to experience, move, change, expand, inspire?  There are many layers. 
This month as life invites us into full expression, spring blossoming, the fire of Aries, spring cleaning, etc.. I invite you to choose, commit and follow through.
As has been oft said in yoga land.. The way we do one thing is the way we do everything.  So, ask yourself and be honest; 
 

Am I just getting by, doing only what is required of me by outside forces?
Did I come to Yoga hoping for great change and healing?
Do I expect great change to just happen?
Do I say one thing and then do another, or do nothing to follow up?
Do I leave my yoga in the classroom?
Am I bored, frustrated, disappointed, feeling like hopes and expectations are not being met?
These questions are not meant to judge yourself In a way that leaves you feeling bad.  We do want to notice where we can work harder but beating ourselves up is not the good work.  Let's go for the good work. 
In the physical practice we can ground more, strengthen more and relax more at some point in most every pose and or transition.  Seek these places.  The curiosity, the investigation, the sense of wonder and discovery are truly what yoga is all about.  It's not about more everything all the time, but if that's fun for you, then yes it can be!
We are often asked in the beginning of yoga class to set intention.  I've always appreciated this and I think that it works on some level no matter what.  Whatever we focus on grows, what we hold in our mind, we will see in our life.  So in really noticing this and applying strong intention in my own practice, I have seen and felt viscerally how much faster/ deeper the evolution is.  I've come to wonder even, wow, if I had been practicing with deep focused intention like this for the whole 20+ years I've been practicing so far,,, where would I be!?  Of course we find things when we really need them, in our own time.  And you have found me at this phase of your own evolution!  So I feel it is my job to relate to you what I have learned, encourage strong intention setting, patterning of these intentions in on every level of being, in every physical opening, every energy raising and gathering.
    I feel like the evolution of the whole world is speeding up!  There is so much information available to us now. Things that were once secret, that people gave their lives for are all readily available at the click of a button.  Ancient teachings are proven by science, etc... If we don't wake up now into our truth, fullness and oneness then I'm not sure what it will take!  It's a very exciting time to be alive.
So on that, the neuroscience and cellular biology that we have available to us now of what thought, emotion and intention do in the body and in the world around us even, is incredible.  If you are interested in learning more, some of the books that set me on this path are; "The Intention Experiment" by Lynn McTaggart, "Biology Of Belief" by Bruce Lipton, and "Everything You Need To Know To Feel Go(o)d" by Candace Pert.  All of their other books are great too.  These people were all scientists first who became spiritual or more deeply so due to their work.  Funny, actually as I write this, I realize that I was more spiritual first and actually resistant to science "proving" what "we" (yoga) has known for thousands of years.  But alas, it's absolutely fascinating and I am a synthesist, now devouring the science and weaving it in with my teaching. 

And attention to some of the layers of being;
do I accept my past as my strength, having given me the foundation to be who I am today, knowing that I did the best I knew how along the way and so did my parents and teachers
Do I accept my masculine aspects
Do I accept my feminine aspects
Do I acknowledge my sexual needs, health, and well being
Do I have a healthy relationship with money
Am I connected to myself as part of nature and get enough time in nature to connect and reflect?
Do I allow myself creative expression?
Self worth, time to nurture self, quiet time for the mind, physical self care?
Do I speak my truth, own my power?
Have I  addressed my feelings or thoughts around death?
    Of course there are thousands of other valuable self reflective questions, I've just found these ones healthful and helpful to look at and used my practice, both physical, breath,  meditation, & Lifeline to clear the samskaras, limiting beliefs, subconscious reactive patterns, etc..around these things so that I could pattern in the intentions that I choose to live from in these areas.. And the good work continues...  Shine on beautyfull expressions of life!


PS - if you are a Yogi reading this because its a Yoga blog, then i understand you might have expected some talk of the koshas!?  If so, or if yes but you dont know what im talking about .. Well, i thought i might talk about them too-


but this is what came out. I am very casual with my blog.. i just feel like since its called BLOG then i should be - what a plop of a name!  So, if you are interested or curious about Koshas (the Layers of being as described in Yogic texts, classical, Vedanta... then i HIGHLY recommend "Light On Life" by BKS Iyengar.  One of my favorite Yoga books of all time and laid out with the view of the koshas.  Enjoy!

ENTHUSIASM!!!
                                                             
"Enthusiasm dances in the bloodstream of the great saints, and sages and all the true leaders of the world.  Enthusiasm enables a person to reach (their) goal.  Enthusiasm makes you soar!..."
                                                                       Swami Chidvilasananda from her book "Enthusiasm"
en·thu·si·asm
inˈTH(y)o͞ozēˌazəm,enˈTH(y)o͞ozēˌazəm/
noun

1. 1.intense and eager enjoyment, interest, or approval.
   • a thing that arouses feelings of intense and eager enjoyment.
2. 2.archaicderogatory
   religious fervor supposedly resulting directly from divine inspiration, typically involving speaking in tongues and wild, uncoordinated movements of the body.


3. Origin.  early 17th century (sense 2): from French enthousiasme, or via late Latin from Greek enthousiasmos, from enthous ‘possessed by a god, inspired’ (based on theos ‘god’).

    (Warning: exclamation points will be used in abundance)

YES! This season is bursting with warmth and PINK TREES! The blossoming of the flowering

trees always gets me giddy. Nature is moving into full expression of her joi de vivre!

Let us join her!

 So often we let dullness and the feeling of ordinariness prevail, whereas there are many

opportunities to be fascinated, to be in wonder, to be in enthusiasm! As noted above, the

etymology of enthusiasm is en;in & theos; god - to be in god, to have god within you (same

thing;) And so it is - whether you see God personified, as a man, woman or a force, as nature

itself, as Great Spirit, or source, creator, life itself.. flowing of life... So it is! Amazing! Life is

living its fullness through what we perceive as 'us/i/me'. It is the mind that tries to claim

everything, that gets in the way and tries to control things, albeit to keep us safe (thanks mind,

now, sshh!). It is the mind that dulls experience with habit and distraction, jumping around to

past and future. But we can live in the WOW! Now!, whenever we choose! So let there be

newness, wonder! Now more than ever it is needed in our jaded culture. Be fascinated by this

thing we call self! Let this cycle of nature call you into awakening! The birds and the bees and

the blooming of things calls us to celebration!

 So often we will be like, "yeah, that was cool" when something feel good happens. Thats it.

Or even counteract a good feeling with doubting or dismantling stories. Meanwhile when

something does not feel good, that reptilian brain, subconscious protector will jump in and

automatic defense and intensity comes up. We tell the story over and over and get madder or

sadder each time or we hold it inside and tell ourselves all of the reasons why this happened

and what 'never' to do again. Or why we deserved it and confirm patterns of belief around

inadequacy, unworthiness, etc...

 I have gratefully learned from my own experience and teachers like Candace Pert, Bruce

Lipton, & movies like, "What the Bleep Do We Know", even the teachings of the earliest Tantras

- that whatever we focus on grows. Literally. When we focus on the negative; stress hormones

are released, cells with 'sad chemicals', or receptors for them, are born which then perpetuate

themselves. So our feelings, if not released thru full expression via sound and movement, will

turn into a mood will turn into a way of being, may even turn into our state of life and/or a

doctors diagnosis of illness. OR we can choose to find the gold in each moment, in each

experience, we can remember our innate joy and enthusiasm for life. We can celebrate the

opportunity for beauty and connection in every experience. We can really sit with and wash our

bodyminds in love and gratitude. We can relish the flavor of yes, of satisfaction, of fullness of

life. I wish this for you and I vow to remember and practice this turning, this shift of focus, again

and again myself when anything gets mundane.

So as much as we let the drama, the pain, the sadness, loss story and build and perpetuate

itself, may we choose to let the wonder, the feelings of safety, celebration, the bliss, the

gratitude sink in!

Let the joy sink in! Let us live in enthusiasm!

   It is amazing the work that we can all do for and with each other;  the deep effects of intentional communication, commitment, reflection, shared world view, life path, love..dedication thru the fiercest weather.  This is where the strength and growth happens; in the wild winds of change, in the deep cuts of rushing flows, in the turbulent falling away of the ground beneath you...  its all about the center. 
    Yes, we lived the honeymoon period BIG and bright !  We went on adventures new to both of us, processed openly together, laughed and sweated in our vulnerability.  Then we got pregnant less than 4 months in, that was big.  Scary.  It was literally life shaking, but that is another story.  We were in love lust adoration crushing hard, feeling the magick.  That is all that mattered.  IT was there.  We listened to the call of nature and we followed thru.  16+ years later, still strong and happy.  HOW!?
   For years i was sure that the sky was gonna fall, that there was no way things could be good for so long.  I would suspect some creeping evil to be lurking under this mans steady veneer.  I would feel the antagonism between us in an argument and think, "Oh, this is it now, its the end for sure.  We are not meant to be together."  I would feel longing for someone more this or that...
    It has not always been easy.  So often the things that attract us are indeed the things that challenge or repel us and vice/versa.  You know those people you can't stand, they are around you for a reason.  This too the blessed reflection of relationship.  Well, with us there have been revelations upon revelations and much patience and persistence to ride the waves.  I have been the fierce weather.  He has been the rock.  Sometimes too cool a rock.  Sometimes my weather too fierce for his gentle sensibilities.  But alas, i need that cool and he knowingly chose me for my fiery nature.  And so it is, we seek out what we need.
    Many of my previous relationships were exactly what i needed at the time; a reflection of my father stuff, a feeling of safety, the thrill of instability...all in their own time, with their own challenges and gifts.  Thank you all, my friends, for your role in this play we all create together that we all may know ourselves more fully.
    May we recognize our demons and how we scorn them in those around us.  May we see what these 'demons' really need.  We all have the same needs.  It takes patience and practice to PAUSE ll.  Pause, and see the need underneath the behavior.  If we can connect to each others innate humanness and look beyond the constructs of ego, conditioning, personality, etc.. then we find the truth that connects us.  This goes for ALL relationships.  When someone feels fear or shame they will often act out in anger - is this because they want a fight, really?  No, of course not.  They want, as we all do, to feel safe, honored, loved. 
   I have been blessed with friends and this love that is honest AND honoring.  Each time we can give this love and honoring to ourselves, to each other we heal old wounds, we step into our power, our true power - the power of the heart.  It is this power of the heart that will heal the world.  Each time we push away what we see inside us or curse it in another we perpetuate the pain.  Each time we run away from a  familiar pattern in a relationship, we find it again in the next one.
    As i have managed to not jump out of the car during a fight and not abandon this deep work in our relationship, not run away when things were hard, so our toolbox has grown.  We have a strong foundation, strong holds to weather any storm. 
    Some of our best tools have been; NVC - Non-violent communication, Non-Dual Tantrik Philosophy (thank you Hareesh Wallis), Yoga overall - breathing, moving, meditation together and on our own. 
  Best teachings from his wise parents (thank you Ron and Barbara Wilbur) who were together for 66 years (until his passing last year).; 1. You Only Get 7 out of 10 (of your list of ideal mate qualities),  Have friends for the rest.  2. Sex is the glue.  3.  take time away from regular life for relationship maintenance. 
  And on the mention of sex.  It was pivotal for us to learn about tumescence (from Taoists sexual teachings).  Sometimes we will be hating on each other when we want/need each other the most - pent up sexual energy acting out as irritation.  Recognize this, if it has been a while and you are being mean to each other, take some small intimate action to warm back up - massage, bath, appreciations...  Or if you can muster it - just DO IT!  Stay present, breathe into it - feel the moment, connect!
    All of your efforts will be rewarded.  The more you put in, the more you get out.. and this does not mean giving and giving.  This means patience, courage, vulnerability.  Ask for what you need, see and address your friends needs.  Know your demons, see theirs.  This is not YOU or THEM, there is no blame or judgement.  This is conditioning, things the mind bore at some point to protect itself.  Feed these things in yourself and all the world the nectar of the thing they truly NEED.  Feed what serves LIFE.  Live fulfilled.  You are so worthy.  It is worth the work to be in service to your relationships.  Then we remember our connections, our innate wholeness.  We are vehicles for the highest good for ALL.  LOVE...

What Yoga Means To Me.. For Yoga Tree 15th Anniversary.

Union. Integration. Celebration of Life. Expansion. Being, anew. This is what Yoga means to me.

I've been on this yogic path for over 20 years now; theory, study and practice in all layers of being. 

In many ways I feel like yoga has saved my life. I know indeed, it has given so much more LiFE 

to my life!  So grateful.

    Some times I am a beginner, my practice is basic. I move to refresh stuck areas of the

bodymind. I investigate in the poses. I reconnect with breath, mind quiets into heart 

as it opens to the Universal. Many days yoga just IS throughout the day as I drive and breathe 

and relax my countenance and go out into the world and share this practice for the healing and 

peace of all beings. Some days I am simply grateful that the practice soaks my life as I don't 

know how I would get through otherwise. Some days are all play where I dance yoga, sing 

yoga, breathe the fire of yoga, laugh yoga and eat yoga... Yoga 

means everything is everything, one grand celebration of being!

For me Yoga is the ultimate reminder & tool(s) to reconnect. 

Both of its primary definitions shine for me;

 1. Yoking, Union- firstly, the reconnection of body, mind and spirit,

 & ultimately the remembrance of everyday self as divine, timeless self.

 2. Going where we have not gone before-

allowing myself to be born anew, to experience things and people anew, to find new ways to 

move and breathe and heal and celebrate that are informed by the foundation of tradition but 

that flow uniquely from this conglomeration that 'I am' out into the world of today...

    I allow this practice to strip and humble me, to leave me faceless, red and sweaty. I welcome 

this practice to decorate me, to reflect 'me' as Goddess and shine with the light of the Universe. I 

am so grateful. Yoga and it's evolution mean personal, spiritual, community, & world wide 

evolution. I am so grateful. We have been given, to nurture, this gift rich with 

science, art and spirit. These tools and beauty are fluid to fit any being or situation. I am in 

service to the wisdom of the dynamic truth of Yoga. We are all One. We are blessed to be 

embodied and we get to choose what to do with this blessing. May we choose with clarity and love. All 

else, be burned away in the fires of practice! Jai Ma!

Habit and dedication. Sankalpa and samskara. Set an intention for yourself, for your practice.  Sounds good.  What does it mean?  How does it stick?  Why doesn't it stick?  What to do...

Oh, the brain!  All the plagues of self doubt, hidden fears, limiting beliefs, patterns of self sabotage - the Samskaras.  Our brains love repetition, they like patterns, they form grooves of familiarity, perceived safety.  These things become unconscious habits.  I could be talking here about any kind of more obvious habits in the life - eating particularities, smoking, chewing gum or nails, cracking knuckles, etc...  Moreso, i am referring to the subtle, insidious habits of thought.
  Distraction is one of the most glaring habits of mind.  Just when we have the greatest intention to get a job done or to feel good about something, we find ourselves on Facecrack or focusing on how something else does not look or feel good.
Darn.. What to do about it.  Fight back with repetition!  Loving, compassionate, inspired or forced repetition!
Often these habits are coming from a deeper place of "not worthy, not good enough, cant..." and so we go on to prove these points by way of not following thru and then making excuses for said behavior and thereby perpetuating our hidden, limiting beliefs.
Instead, let us write, repeat, breathe, the ideal feeling of our realized dedication!  "I am grateful and fully expressed!"  YES!
Yes.  I could repeat this all day long but if part of me still does not believe it, well then we must love that part even more.  Open the body mind by MOVING!  Take one step, one stretch and repeat mantra.  Write one word, one line and repeat mantra.  Go deeper into your least favorite pose and (maybe cry and) repeat mantra!  STAY there.. breathe mantra.  See yourself free and whole and perfect and know that this body is not going to last forever and everything that you do (or dont do) NOW matters!  Do something.  NOW!.. and repeat mantra.
Let the mantra not become automatic but let it become a Bhav/ Bhavana - a feeling that fills you up, an ENERGY that leads the way into the ACTIONS that create the reality in the outer world.. Its all happening now, step into the flow.. repeat mantra.

For example;
My greatest dedication is to be of service to the highest good for all, to be an open book, to share my experience, strength and hope, to write a book -or 3.  This has been my dedication for some time now.  I have been REALLY getting to know myself in the process.. At first it started out with "when im older". and then "who am i really, what do i have to say thats new?" and then "maybe i need some more training, experience, a teacher, a mentor..."  Of course, it is valuable to reflect on all of these things and to take action where necessary.  Although if no action is happening, we need to look closer at "why?", listen to the small voice inside, feel the impulse and then the dullness that obscures the risk.  Why am i suddenly tired when i am setting in to write?  There is a conflict of interest going on inside.. One part wants to keep us 'safe' and the other part wants to open up.  Struggles are exhausting.. On the outside i could barely even know this was happening, but from sitting in quiet contemplation, the truths arise in a quiet and unassuming almost wordless voice, enough so that ego -mind can say "NO!, you are just making that up!" Alas, i am not making it up, you big ol thinking brain!  I am witnessing clearly that there are some scars..samskaras... that still believe i have not gotten as far as indeed i have on this path of healing and liberation. What i KNOW is that I have much to share.  I am not afraid.  My heart is big and bold.. My life is courageous!
So writing book is not working today?  I repeat mantra and i write a blog.  It started out with some lines in a notebook, it was attempted to be distracted by posted notes around me and 'gotta do' remembrances but i JUST KEPT GOING.. I hope that it was helpful for you.  I think it has been for me.. Feeling the flow...
repeating mantra.. building little wins.. building foundation, humbling myself to the moment and letting the big picture hold me instead of trying to hold it up and living up to it, i live in it and live into it..
its all happening right now.  i applaud the little wins.
there is a woman on a hillside somewhere who has been planting daffodils for years.. the hillside is now a vibrant site to see.

                                                                          
    Sometimes I fell like I should get out into the world and do something big. There are so many

huge causes to tackle that I am often painfully impassioned about; cleaning up our oceans,

fracking, human trafficking, chemtrails, gender and racial equality, the situation in Gaza/ Israel,

the wars and hunger and disease in Africa and all over, saving elephants and monkeys and all

animals from cruelty... Oh my heart.. This list could go on and on...

    I wonder can't i do MORE?! I even have agonized over this question. But now, I know what my

work is. My work is the work of the heart. My work is interpersonal, emotional. My work is

small and simple. It is the work of helping people to feel good. We feel good by remembering

our wholeness, by having a sense of belonging and safety. We feel good knowing that we are

enough and that there is enough for everyone. Now, I am very clear that a sense of security

doesn't (directly) fill an individuals belly. I am also very clear that the problems that we have in

our world all come from human beings being disconnected from earth, from each other, from

spirit, from a sense of connectedness to all of life. This disconnect lends to feelings of lack and

unworthiness. If there were not so much fear and other-ing, we would know that there is

enough. We would be able to help each other out. We would know that we are actually helping

ourselves out by doing so. We are all in this together.

    It is so easy to get hopelessly overwhelmed by all that there is to do. It's so easy to become

numb and distracted and do nothing. It's easy to feel bad about yourself for doing nothing.

Well, this is doing something actually.. This is contributing to the pain in the world. Feeling bad

about yourself doesn't serve you or anyone. It denies your divine inherent nature. It's really so

easy to do something. One little thing. Get to know that you are worthy, that what you say and

do matters. It ripples out. We all have wounds to heal and wounds we have healed. Therefore,

work to do and inspiration to share that is beneficial for all. I am not suggesting complacency if

you are driven to go out into the big world and tackle a particular cause that is calling you. We

all have our part to play. I believe all of our parts start in the heart. Listen and heed the call!

If children were taught to hear their hearts, to feel the connection of their heartbeat to the earth,

to hear and see and love the differences and the sameness in one another and humans all

together then I think there could be peace. World peace, isn't that what we all really want? It

starts with peace within, I'm sure of it.

    Let's teach our children to love and respect themselves and the earth so that they can love and

respect each other and all of earths creatures. To do this with integrity is first to love and

respect all aspects of ourselves and the natural world. Then maybe it would be out of the

question to poison our waters or skies or bodies. It would be insane to process and plastic our

resources so much that we don't even know what is in the stuff we are being sold. It would be

unheard of to consciously seek anything that causes suffering, even indirectly.

    In every religion there is an ideal of peace in the texts. It is not unreal to create the thing that we

all want and have forever. It is real to vision and pray and join together in a myriad of ways that

synthesize old and new, east and west, north and south, science and spirit. We are stronger

together. We are rich with information and experience. Anything is possible when we

remember everything is everything. The earth and her waters, the skies and our bodies are all

made of the same stuffs. We are in this together. Let us hold ourselves and therefore each

other in the highest light and thrive!

    Blessed be this practice of yoga that brings us into communities of remembrance, going where

we have not gone before, led by courage and timeless wisdom! Thank you for being part of this

beautiful evolution... In union all things are possible. Hear the call of your cause and go forth at

all costs. Trust and flow.
All Love,
lucid dawn lee isbell

   When I first heard the term 'survivor', as in, "I am a survivor".  My visceral reaction was , "Yes!, Me too!"  It felt powerful.  It was a point of identification.  It was a connection to a league of people I could relate to by way of our mutual or relative struggles and the ability to have overcome.  I had overcome.  It felt good to recognize and name it.  I had once felt alone in suffering the shame of trauma, abuse and sickness.  It was good to remember that all I had been through had made me strong, a survivor.

   Of course, we do need to survive first and foremost.  I honor the process.  Survival is the crucial first step and often a struggle.  If we are coming from a place of danger, from environments of physical, mental, emotional abuse and trauma, then to make it to a place of feeling like you are survivor is huge.  To have good health, community and work to sustain us is crucial to long term survival.  Yet, It is not the final port.  There is thriving to be had.  Surviving at first can feel like relative thriving.  Compared to where we once were it IS blessed, joyful, relief!  Once you have experienced even a moment of this, i invite you to look forward…

   I had seen myself as once broken and then fixed.  Yet, I still felt and spoke about that powerless little part of me that had been so hurt, abused, sick.  I held an abject view on ‘that poor part of me’ that I then for so long pitied, hated, shamed, risked, gave away, sold, cut, beat, and throttled.  I still unknowingly perpetuated the pain of that part of me by focusing on being a survivor, and therefore focusing on what I had come from rather than all there was to move towards!.  I had to look back and really see that I was never broken.  My bodymind may have been hurt but I was the same being I am now underneath all of that life drama.  Wholly, holy, whole.

   With this clear vision, i woke up to deep gratitude, and then I was able to love life, to love myself.  Finally.  Thank Goodness, Goddess, God,… blessed, yes. I was a survivor.  A warrior.  It made me feel tough.  I was tough.  I lived tough for a long time because this was the way to survive.  So tough, there would never again be humiliation or passivity.  So tough, I was not real.  But I felt safe and strong.  I attracted situations that required me to be tough.  Also, being tough I stood up to big men with false bravado and got my ass beat. I sabotaged situations that did not call for tough because I didn't yet know how else to be.  There was a period of struggle between the lover and the fighter…

   Now, I still feel safe and strong.  I'm tough when I need to be.  I’m comfortable in my skin.

But along the way I read, heard, gathered bits from many sources that made me realize that this was not the goal.  This was not where I was to stop.  There was and is yet thriving to be had!

    Thriving is wanting what life wants.  Thriving is being open to and aware of all the opportunities and blessings flowing your way every moment of everyday.  This takes some quieting of the controlling mind.  At one time, this sense of control may have protected us. At some point, though, what once was protection might just turn into a box, a cell, trappings.  We must take pause to re-evaluate.  Are these ideas of who and how I am, or not - serving my evolution?

   Life has shown me that to be vulnerable, receptive, humble and sometimes even passive is the hardest, strongest and most fortifying work there is to do.  Life knows what it wants from us.  Life wants to push past mere surviving and into vibrant thriving.  I've seen those plants rending cracks in the pavement and reaching for the light.  They can transform a landscape.  They would never stop at just cracking the pavement.  And so, we too must push through perceived limitations and expired subconscious patterning so that we can bloom into our fullness and propagate our unique beauty in the world!

It is the signal of comfort that keeps me going forward.  Am I safe and at ease, grateful and in abundance?  Yes?  Well, then,  enjoy life but as long as you live, i say to myself... Why not go further, into your truth, into your Yes!, into your LIFE.   Into giving back.  This is my work now.  Let me give to you as I have been so generously given to.

With humble gratitude and respect, i wish you great light on your path…

Blessed Be,

lucid dawn