Dear Tantra Friends,
My work is to be at peace with all aspects of myself and life. To me this means to be
connected, clear, honest on all levels. I consider “you” an extension of “me”. I appreciate the
work that you do and I do not want to poo-poo that in any way. Therefore, I have the need to
call your awareness to some things. It is often confusing to people when one says that they
teach or study Tantra. What is this “Tantra”? Is it a sexual thing? Actually, No.
The name. Tantras are the books, scrolls, texts that hold the information, practices, etc, that
are the seed knowledge of the neo-Tantra or sexual Tantra practices.
See the links below to connect to the original source texts.
The meaning. The word Tantra itself means to stretch, as if on a loom. Therefore one could
also imply; to weave, or to expand. The word yoga, which of course most know means union,
or to yoke, join (as in all aspects of ourself) I think gives a lot of permission. The lesser known
meaning of yoga is to go where we have not gone before. In the Tantrik tradition yoga means
‘the state of attunement’. This all together very much says ‘Yes’ to me, to you, to the work that
we do. Yes, to the evolution of yoga.
The tree. For a healthy evolution It is crucial to know your roots. The sexual practices are
about 1% or less of the tree of Tantrik practices, a little tiny branch on the tree. Yes, our world
needs healthy sexual practices right now, I agree. Sexual suppression and the resultant
wounding that has ensued is a sickness deeply rooted in our cultures. The healing has begun.
With integration of all parts, it will deepen.
The honoring. It is time to once again honor our bodies, to honor pleasure as a gift of the
Goddess, to be open and clear with communication and learning, and to learn how to channel
these energies. It is also a time of great revelation. The feminine has been repressed for far
too long and her truths are now being revealed. It is time to bring the Goddess back. This
means to me that we need to do some research and learn about where what we are teaching
and practicing came from. Let us be sure that we are not being a mouthpiece for the
patriarchy and perpetuating diluted truths and straight up lies.
The real deal. Much of what has been handed down to us in the yoga / Tantra world has been
extracted from the original tantras by a Goddess suppressing uprising of patriarchy and by
westerners who didn't know any better, mis-translating these incomplete extractions.
The teachers. I have been blessed to study these past 6+ years with two passionate, world
class male western teachers who are doing their part to shine a light on what has been
suppressed, ignored and where we have been misled. These two light beings are rich with
wisdom, humility, and integrity. They truly revere the Goddess in all of her forms and are two of
a rare handful of people in the world that can translate ancient Sanskrit /Tantrik texts. They are
dedicated truth seekers. I'd like to give thanks to Hareesh Wallis for introducing me to the true
Tantra. His work has been an invaluable source of inspiration and guidance. Currently, I have
been working with Christopher Tompkins who is finishing his PhD on this subject and has
uncovered some great revelations. The Goddess is coming back in all of her fullness with the
help of these two.
My history. I have been practicing asana and studying the science of Yoga since 1994. I, like
at least 1/4 of our population has had some deep sexual wounding; molestation, rape and the
ensuing self hatred, fear, acting out, etc... I moved to San Francisco and took my first (Neo)
Tantra training in 2000 with a powerful Dakini named Malia Ma. I had just had a baby and
during that process, including the bonding with her amazing, honoring Daddy, did lifetimes of
sexual healing. When I finally took my official Yoga teacher training in 2007, and was directed
to the primary texts of The Yoga Sutras and The Hatha Yoga Pradipika, etc., i instinctively felt
that something was missing from the texts. I habitually (like women have to do most often) read
past all of the “he” to find myself, and as a modern person, blocked out the strict teachings
against sexual energy and even denial of the body itself. I was in a hatha yoga training after all.
At this point I knew that sexual energy can both take us to God and be a big problem. I did
meet Chris Tompkins in that training and fell in love with Sanskrit via his teachings. It wasn't
until my Anusara training in 2011 though, that I was truly introduced to Tantra with Hareesh
Wallis and finally found my philosophical yogic home. I have been incredibly blessed and
overwhelmingly obsessed since then.
Seeing what our world needs. Meditation has given me much space for reflection and
receiving pratibha, which means “instinct, intuition, inspiration”, the knowing beyond words. I
can see the big picture, how everything on my path and the (tho sometimes painfully slow)
unfolding of the world makes sense. We are learning our Oneness through the pain of our
separation. The opportunities are great right now. As I said earlier, it is clearly a time of
revelation. A big part of this revelation is the reclaiming of the feminine, for all. Feminine to be
clear, does not mean female. (But that's a whole other subject to dive into in another writing)
All areas and aspects of our selves have latent energy. Returning to the Tantra focus here,
I'd like to mention Kundalini, as so often Tantrikas do. Kundalini is the movement of life force
energy, not just sexual energy. It is not a ‘thing’ laying there at the bottom of your spine
awaiting some ultimate orgasm. It is shakthi, spiraling through you, on your breath, 21,600
times a day. Your energy can be more or less stagnant in areas depending on the fullness of your breath,
the movement of your body and the movement of sound through your body. Yes! You are alive
and have great potential in all areas of yourself to live more fully alive, to vibrate higher, to
celebrate life in all its fullness, sexuality included and undistorted.
What to do about it. Watch out for getting hyper focused on any one aspect of yourself or life.
The juice is in the connections. The relief, in my experience is seeing the big picture and the
way that all things weave together. The true power is in the integration of all parts.
Energy gets boxed in by our words and stories. It is easy to feel that a part of you is sick or
dormant if you are told that it is. If your kundalini were dormant, you'd be in a coma. I
encourage you to open up to “what else?”. All of you is spiraling with Shakthi as Kundalini
descending and ascending your whole life long. All of your experiences, ecstatic and traumatic
are rich with energy waiting for you to claim it, name it, & channel it. Your energy goes where
your awareness goes, where your mind goes, where your words go. Where are your thoughts
going? Choose wisely the ones that you focus on.
Vibrational practices. There are many powerful vibrational practices in the tantras that help
to clear stuck energy in the body mind in order to renew ourselves and live our fullest, most
vibrant lives. You probably know some already; repeating japa mantra, simply AUM-ing,
expressing your self in song or orgasm with an open throat, etc... Do what you know and keep
seeking, singing, playing, discovering for yourself. The original practices have largely been left
out of modern yoga but are currently resurgent. See ways below to learn more.
Resources. Check out the excellent book, ‘Tantra Illuminated’ by Christopher Hareesh Wallis
for history and practices. Look at www.Tantrikstudies.org, for more from him as well as
TRUeducation.com for online recordings and ongoing workshops. Find exciting new work,
including new translations of things you thought you knew about, from Chris Tompkins at
YogaVidhi.org. He has recently translated and compared scrolls that reveal many lost
teachings which he will be revealing at upcoming events in the Bay Area and online.
Chris Tompkins and I will also be holding space together, w/live sound science by EEnor, for
“Vishuvat”, an Autumnal Equinox day long retreat, immersing in Kundalini on Saturday,
September 23 in Lafayette, CA.
We will also be leading a retreat to Maui in February with Chris Tompkins as a special guest
teacher and EEnor as our sound scientist and musician. There, we will dive deep into the
Tantrik Yoga teachings, and many other ecstatic practices.
See my website, www.lucidyoga.com or
lucid yoga on Facebook for more info on that.
Thank you for listening, for expanding, for being a true yogi and allowing your knowing to be
open. May you feel the nectar of life overflowing from your heart. Blessed bee...
I've been wearing glasses and getting migraines since at least 3rd grade. My mother has had migraines for aslong as I can remember...
I am ready to be cured.
I've been practicing yoga for 23 years.
I've been teaching Yoga for (officially) for over 10 years, sharing the practice with friends and kids for over 13.
I've been studying neuroscience, cellular biology and energy healing in bits and pieces but with great
enthusiasm for 5 years.
It's all coming together.
I'm almost entirely migraine free.
They come for brief visits at the end of my moon cycle, but less often, and are less in intensity and duration.
Oh, sweet relief.
Migraine headaches used to knock me (and dear mother) down for days. No matter what pain
relief I took. Sometimes even to the point of vomiting. Now, I use yoga (physical, breath and meditation),
essential oils, and an attitude adjustment via mindful awareness practices.
It may be different for others, but I have also worked with many other people (especially women)
now who have been migraine sufferers, to help them find relief. I see the familiar patterns that we all carry.
I now know how to dispel these patterns in myself and would like to offer my experience,
hopefully as a blessing to your relief.
First, the patterns;
- moon cycle /hormonal fluctuations, chemical imbalance
- Go getters, type A's, mothers, high responsibility positions especially with;
- Tense/clenched jaw/ TMJ
- Shortness of breath, upper chest breath only
- Subconscious fears/ ideas around not being enough, not being good enough, not having
enough time/money/worthiness/ security or lack of security around financials, family, job.
With internal messages/ pressure of "gotta do/ gotta get/ need to be..."
- Tight/ rigid /frigid /reluctant sexuality
- Herpes Virus (also can come w/ sciatic like pain in legs), triggers; stress, low immunity,
hormonal imbalance, alcohol, caffeine, sugar, dark chocolate, pistachios, peanuts, etc..
- Trigger foods, as commonly known; red wine, caffeine, sugar, smoked and aged things, night shades...(CHECK!)
- Head forward of shoulders posture (more relates to headache/ neck ache than migraine but
same muscles often are quite tense in both cases)
- Toxic environment
- Be sure to avoid trigger foods especially around moon cycle
- Be well nourished with lots of dark greens in diet, b vitamins, iron, magnesium, balance of
daily vitamins. Since I have begun using Purium products I have had even less incidence of
headaches trying to get me at the end of my moon cycle.
- Lysine is especially important in keeping the Herpes virus from arising. So is good nutrition
and restraining from alcohol, chocolate and caffeine, especially when immunity is low, such
as at the end of the moon cycle.
- Our moon time is calling the body to slow down, there is a natural weightiness and wane of
energy. Too often we do not allow ourselves the pause. Tension headaches are often due to
an internal tug of war. Allow yourself the pause. Men have a cycle too in which a time of
reflective pause, turning in and self care are needed, it may not be so obvious as there is no
blood flow, but nonetheless - biorhythms, we all have them...
- Divya karana, relax the face, let your jaw hang, soften the tongue at its root, soften skin and
muscles around and behind the eyes
- Run the coldest water you can stand on the crown of your head, or use an ice pack where
tension is showing up.
- Breath practices, there are many. I will list two here;
1. inhale through the nose, down the
front body, exhale up the spine and out the mouth. Really let the jaw hang. Sound can help
on the exhale, "aaah..", or "Ng...",
2. is what I call "unicorn breath"- breath in, imagine breath is coming in through 3rd eye center,
then imagine breathing up and out thru the crown of your head, all tension rising up and out
with the exhale, you might imagine this as a light cord or horn lifting you up.
- Physical practices- yoga for clear alignment & biomechanics, gentle pressure to forehead
and crown of head, neck /jaw/shoulder releases, yin & restoratives...
(see practice video @ https://youtu.be/IGebuQbx8VE )
- Mantra - any Japa or repeated mantra can clear the mind which can be helpful. Most of all I
find vibration helpful. Brahmari/ bees breath is great. Make the sound of "Ng" like the end of
the Om. Extend it for the whole length of long slow exhales, send the sound up into 3rd eye
center, into the pineal gland, add to this effect by gently turning eyes towards eyebrow center
and bring tongue lightly to the highest point in the mouth (this also helps to release the jaw)
- Meditation - just allow yourself to sit and BE, magick happens. It's a practice. Don't try to do
it "right", just be..
- Energy medicine for re-patterning subconscious - notice the default state of your mind.
Notice the underlying thoughts and feelings. Would you choose these? What would you
choose? Make it a practice to repeat that I AM often. Please contact me if you would like to
schedule a session to do some re-patterning with the Lifeline Technique.
- Masturbation/ orgasm. Yup, it's ok. It's healthy, even. The need to release and transmute
energy on all levels is real.
- Trust life. Trust life. Trust life. Everything is working in a cycle. Receive and let go. Control
is an illusion. The tension in jaw, head and shoulders is often the result of trying to control our
- Essential oils are magickal concentrated distillation of pure earth medicine. There are many
that can relieve emotional and physical stress and tension. DoTerra makes a great blend
called "Past Tense" among an abundance of others. I love to share the plant medicine.
Contact me if you have questions or want to order, I'm happy to help.
- Detox, cleanse, and nutritional supplements... crucial complements to life! If we do not detox
ourselves once in a while on purpose, then nature will do it for us through pain and sickness.
We can avoid the big sicknesses by attending to the little ones with healthy practices.
Drink more water!
Reach out for help if you are having trouble balancing your life. We've all been there at one point,
I've been there at many. Finally thanks to years of Yoga and health study I am balanced and
healthy most all of the time. So grateful. Happy to be your consultant on this. It is time for
me to give back.
Blessed be. I bow to you in honor of your beautyfull spirit. Thank you for walking this path that
we walk together. Namaste.
Remember all that there is to be grateful for. Trust the turning, the dark, the letting go... Allow yourself time to rest, to dream, to vision.
Sometimes we get all in our head. We leave parts of our bodies, minds, lives untended.
I encourage you now in this time and especially whenever things are difficult to practice with fierce love, with deep gratitude.
Movement connected with intention, opening all parts with yes, thank you, thank you, thank you.. this is the medicine. Practice with care, practice with passion. Meet where you are at with nourishment or with its balancing quality.
Trust the struggle, the loss, the death. As nature shows us, no thing goes away completely, it is always turning into the next thing... As tragic and depressing as our socio-political climate might be right now, as divisive as it may attempt to be, it is bringing us together. The sicknesses are being (blantantly!) revealed so that they can be healed. That which has been ignored, now being violated, shouts out its pain and people are coming together in support.
As we allow our self time to rest in silence, in the dark, then we become open to the Pratibha (instinct, intuition, creativity). We can "hear" the voice beyond words. Then we just know what to do. Divine speaks to us and then we may speak with ease and confidence and bring to the world what is needed at this time. It will continue to move and change. It is a practice. Sometimes it may seem much smaller of an answer or impulse than we hoped for but one thing leads to another and every little bit of love counts.
Keep on loving. Keep on trusting.
May we see beyond the momentary struggle, ugliness, fear, etc.. to the bigger picture. Every tragedy, every loss brings us together. We are stronger together. It is time to unite in solidarity for the rights of all. This must begin in our hearts. Give where you can, go where you can, but most importantly may we hold the remembrance of our inter being in our hearts so that all of choices and interactions are for the highest good for all.
Good Day, Beauty!
Have you visited that special place in your home where your altar/ your sacred space and your practice meet today?
Are you finding ways to balance the elements of your body today? Can you feel the blessings of earth body and sky breath flowing to you thru you as you!?
Do you remember that you are a whole and perfect expression of the universe? That you are held and loved and celebrated? I celebrate you! Thank YOU for showing up so courageously, playfully, gorgeously for yourselves and each other!
May your heart continue to shine so brightly! __
Another place we can bring Yoga is into our sleep. Have a dream journal, set the intention to remember your dreams and write down anything that you remember in the morning. Even intend to practice in your dreams! Meditate, receive the wisdom of all the worlds!
Yoga Nidra is a form of sleep, or deep guided relaxation which offers a receptive space for the subconscious mind to receive your intentions!
I gift to you this recording that i made of a short (19 min) Yoga Nidra practice. Find a comfortable place to lay down, set a clear intention "I AM..." (whatever energy you would CHOOSE to show up with at this time, and dont actually sleep until it is over!
Gayatri Mantra - Deva Premal
Dance of the Seven Sisters - Deya Dova
Virabhadrasana Two - Dharma Gypsies
Eternal Om - Dick Sutphen
Red City - Drumspyder
BAtone Bo - Hu Dost
River - Ibeyi
Stars (instrumental) - John de Kadt & Steve Gorn
Ma Durga - Lokah
Primavera - Ludovico Einaudi
Orchestral Suite No. 3 - Maya Beiser
Sea of Stars - Mc Yogi
Purnamadah - Shantala
Hineni - Heather & Benji Wethheimer
Veerabhadra (dj drez remix) - Sound Ambassador
La Mer (Beyond the Sea) - Django Reinhardt, Stephen Grappa
Breathing Out - Shamans Dream
Love Letters to God - Nakhp & Medicine for the People (link below, im crazy abou this song right now...;)
LOVE OUT LOUD NOW!!!
The world reels. I cannot sleep. Its 12:34 am - i guess its tomorrow now
i wish i could wake up tomorrow and it would all be different
apparently its going to be more work than that
More than half of America just voted trump our new president!?
Wow. Stunned. I really did not think it would happen, this...
So many of us were sure it was time for a woman
too bad she was a dishonest, smug, and war mongering woman
(so they say on that last one, the other 2 are obvious)
It is time for new leadership. Not him.. He is not my president...
I call in the rainbow warriors
it is rainbow council time
(there is also contention about this beloved story, i dont care)
it is time to UNITE
that is what Yoga is for
All layers, all peoples
Earth, sky, space, spirit
The rainbow of our chakras
the rainbow of our skin and styles
the rainbow of our gardens
the rainbow of the mysterious magickal beauty way of this planet
& the miraculous space in which she spins
she is our mother, she holds and feeds us
We are inextricably linked no matter what
has poisoned so many of our thinks...
I know how to heal
i have healed myself
i have helped others
i have been lost, disconnected
in the dark, dis-membered
& i found a way out
& ive come back together
& i see the beautyfull rainbow
light that we all make together
& it lifts us up to the sky
& from there we see
the patterns that we make
& that there is enough
for everyone to give and take
without greed or fear
we can care for one another
celebrate the chance to be here
celebrate life in all its wild
colorful, abundant, creative
DIVERSITY. LOVE OUT LOUD NOW!
i know that this is your truth too
i know you know others who feel
like you do
or want to
reach out now.
feel. heal. be real.
create safe space for diversity, equality, equanimity
Be with what is & keep on
giving kindness to everything
even if its from afar
dont let the nasty near you
step back and hear you rawr!
Anything that is against life
will be won over to the love side
or will die a lonely guilty death
rescue the excellence that is left
& raise it up!
////////////ALL night, my heart IS
like an electric storm cloud
and still, again awake
sending lightning bolts out
all thru my body mind
"what do we tell the children?"
the questions resounds
we tell them America is sick
and we must be the medicine
we must learn how to & heal divides
become masters of improvisation
the whole game fails
when we deny what is happening
we will learn how to self govern
yes, and we will be our own leaders
yes, and we will protect the vulnerable
yes, and our strength will be the medicine
We must come together in great numbers
yes, and stand for the earth
come together, all her people
make UNITY irresistable
Women & wo-men
you are beautyfull, powerful & equal
black brown red yellow white
you are beautyfull, powerful, & equal
transgender, 2 spirit, gay, bi, queer, or straight
you are beautyfull, powerful & equal
Let us see that this is proven beyond measure
may our forces be united, strong & irresistable
let this Revolution love so hard & big & beautyfull
that it is absolutely, richly, divinely IRRESISTABLE!!!
(please note the intentional mis-spelling of irresistible, i am conjuring 'stable' as im on fire now, manic with this intention!!!.. & may our hearts be full with beauty!;)
The apocalypse has been on for a while now...
in its true etymological meaning
its not pretty but it's part of the healing
gotta look at the wounds
gotta have our attention drawn to the pain
so we can heal it
so we can feel the fire under our asses to
join in unity
remember our interbeing
love out loud
spread the good words
reach out and lift each other up
we can live our truth
sing in this ring of spirit
each of us a facet in the jewel
coming together in the center
to shine the rainbow light of this precious life
may all that is sacred be protected and celebrated
preparing to leave this womb bubble of safety
ive been living and loving and momming in
growing up, strengthening in...now the call is
go forth into the world & spread the songs of love!
calling in the spiritual warriors, love activists, cultural rebels
come the sun again at its peak and we set sail
going bold and idealistic
lets gather, let's plan, let's join forces for the highest good for all...
no matter what.
we are the rainbow.
May your body be united with its self
with your heart and mind
may our bodies be united with the beloved
re-member-ing our divine
May we, this body of earth
heal and grow and thrive
May the body of this renewal
come together & show the old
construct of power - NO!
we will not accept your limiting beliefs
nor your divisive rhetoric
we know our strength and freedom
& let us LOVE OUT LOUD now
so loud that everyone comes to re-wild
& gets their share of the pie
and we fly, and see the new life
& choose to LIVE RIGHT
right. left. both sides, both arms open wide
all eyes seeing clearly
all love.. all love..
only together do we succeed...
please join us here together as we party/ celebrate life with purpose & intention! Revolutionary night life... its time!
We could've gone in the hot tub
found out later "who"
but we were stuck, couldnt move
glued to our seats our eyes to the screen
the unbelievable blood bath of red
swathing our country, our hearts
with dread for the (sur)reality of he
and all the vile he has said
Would people really vote for this?
Did they just want to see what
would happen or are they really
so ignorant or so angry, so sick..?
So now, the fierce love revolution is ON
One sleepless night & a burning
commitment to care for this baby
no matter what, we'll rasie
the children right and love
our neighbor continue the good fight
dont need no stinkin saviour
been training for this all of our lives
it is time for the fierce love army to arise
yes, i am an idealist
ive got a vision, ive got faith
ive got you, we've got strength
we've got this.
The Layers Of Being - Spring 2015
Layers of Being
Layers of Yoga, layers of practice... How deep do you want to go? How fully do you want to experience, move, change, expand, inspire? There are many layers.
This month as life invites us into full expression, spring blossoming, the fire of Aries, spring cleaning, etc.. I invite you to choose, commit and follow through.
As has been oft said in yoga land.. The way we do one thing is the way we do everything. So, ask yourself and be honest;
Am I just getting by, doing only what is required of me by outside forces?
Did I come to Yoga hoping for great change and healing?
Do I expect great change to just happen?
Do I say one thing and then do another, or do nothing to follow up?
Do I leave my yoga in the classroom?
Am I bored, frustrated, disappointed, feeling like hopes and expectations are not being met?
These questions are not meant to judge yourself In a way that leaves you feeling bad. We do want to notice where we can work harder but beating ourselves up is not the good work. Let's go for the good work.
In the physical practice we can ground more, strengthen more and relax more at some point in most every pose and or transition. Seek these places. The curiosity, the investigation, the sense of wonder and discovery are truly what yoga is all about. It's not about more everything all the time, but if that's fun for you, then yes it can be!
We are often asked in the beginning of yoga class to set intention. I've always appreciated this and I think that it works on some level no matter what. Whatever we focus on grows, what we hold in our mind, we will see in our life. So in really noticing this and applying strong intention in my own practice, I have seen and felt viscerally how much faster/ deeper the evolution is. I've come to wonder even, wow, if I had been practicing with deep focused intention like this for the whole 20+ years I've been practicing so far,,, where would I be!? Of course we find things when we really need them, in our own time. And you have found me at this phase of your own evolution! So I feel it is my job to relate to you what I have learned, encourage strong intention setting, patterning of these intentions in on every level of being, in every physical opening, every energy raising and gathering.
I feel like the evolution of the whole world is speeding up! There is so much information available to us now. Things that were once secret, that people gave their lives for are all readily available at the click of a button. Ancient teachings are proven by science, etc... If we don't wake up now into our truth, fullness and oneness then I'm not sure what it will take! It's a very exciting time to be alive.
So on that, the neuroscience and cellular biology that we have available to us now of what thought, emotion and intention do in the body and in the world around us even, is incredible. If you are interested in learning more, some of the books that set me on this path are; "The Intention Experiment" by Lynn McTaggart, "Biology Of Belief" by Bruce Lipton, and "Everything You Need To Know To Feel Go(o)d" by Candace Pert. All of their other books are great too. These people were all scientists first who became spiritual or more deeply so due to their work. Funny, actually as I write this, I realize that I was more spiritual first and actually resistant to science "proving" what "we" (yoga) has known for thousands of years. But alas, it's absolutely fascinating and I am a synthesist, now devouring the science and weaving it in with my teaching.
And attention to some of the layers of being;
do I accept my past as my strength, having given me the foundation to be who I am today, knowing that I did the best I knew how along the way and so did my parents and teachers
Do I accept my masculine aspects
Do I accept my feminine aspects
Do I acknowledge my sexual needs, health, and well being
Do I have a healthy relationship with money
Am I connected to myself as part of nature and get enough time in nature to connect and reflect?
Do I allow myself creative expression?
Self worth, time to nurture self, quiet time for the mind, physical self care?
Do I speak my truth, own my power?
Have I addressed my feelings or thoughts around death?
Of course there are thousands of other valuable self reflective questions, I've just found these ones healthful and helpful to look at and used my practice, both physical, breath, meditation, & Lifeline to clear the samskaras, limiting beliefs, subconscious reactive patterns, etc..around these things so that I could pattern in the intentions that I choose to live from in these areas.. And the good work continues... Shine on beautyfull expressions of life!
PS - if you are a Yogi reading this because its a Yoga blog, then i understand you might have expected some talk of the koshas!? If so, or if yes but you dont know what im talking about .. Well, i thought i might talk about them too-
but this is what came out. I am very casual with my blog.. i just feel like since its called BLOG then i should be - what a plop of a name! So, if you are interested or curious about Koshas (the Layers of being as described in Yogic texts, classical, Vedanta... then i HIGHLY recommend "Light On Life" by BKS Iyengar. One of my favorite Yoga books of all time and laid out with the view of the koshas. Enjoy!
"Enthusiasm dances in the bloodstream of the great saints, and sages and all the true leaders of the world. Enthusiasm enables a person to reach (their) goal. Enthusiasm makes you soar!..."
Swami Chidvilasananda from her book "Enthusiasm"
(Warning: exclamation points will be used in abundance)
YES! This season is bursting with warmth and PINK TREES! The blossoming of the flowering
trees always gets me giddy. Nature is moving into full expression of her joi de vivre!
Let us join her!
So often we let dullness and the feeling of ordinariness prevail, whereas there are many
opportunities to be fascinated, to be in wonder, to be in enthusiasm! As noted above, the
etymology of enthusiasm is en;in & theos; god - to be in god, to have god within you (same
thing;) And so it is - whether you see God personified, as a man, woman or a force, as nature
itself, as Great Spirit, or source, creator, life itself.. flowing of life... So it is! Amazing! Life is
living its fullness through what we perceive as 'us/i/me'. It is the mind that tries to claim
everything, that gets in the way and tries to control things, albeit to keep us safe (thanks mind,
now, sshh!). It is the mind that dulls experience with habit and distraction, jumping around to
past and future. But we can live in the WOW! Now!, whenever we choose! So let there be
newness, wonder! Now more than ever it is needed in our jaded culture. Be fascinated by this
thing we call self! Let this cycle of nature call you into awakening! The birds and the bees and
the blooming of things calls us to celebration!
So often we will be like, "yeah, that was cool" when something feel good happens. Thats it.
Or even counteract a good feeling with doubting or dismantling stories. Meanwhile when
something does not feel good, that reptilian brain, subconscious protector will jump in and
automatic defense and intensity comes up. We tell the story over and over and get madder or
sadder each time or we hold it inside and tell ourselves all of the reasons why this happened
and what 'never' to do again. Or why we deserved it and confirm patterns of belief around
inadequacy, unworthiness, etc...
I have gratefully learned from my own experience and teachers like Candace Pert, Bruce
Lipton, & movies like, "What the Bleep Do We Know", even the teachings of the earliest Tantras
- that whatever we focus on grows. Literally. When we focus on the negative; stress hormones
are released, cells with 'sad chemicals', or receptors for them, are born which then perpetuate
themselves. So our feelings, if not released thru full expression via sound and movement, will
turn into a mood will turn into a way of being, may even turn into our state of life and/or a
doctors diagnosis of illness. OR we can choose to find the gold in each moment, in each
experience, we can remember our innate joy and enthusiasm for life. We can celebrate the
opportunity for beauty and connection in every experience. We can really sit with and wash our
bodyminds in love and gratitude. We can relish the flavor of yes, of satisfaction, of fullness of
life. I wish this for you and I vow to remember and practice this turning, this shift of focus, again
and again myself when anything gets mundane.
So as much as we let the drama, the pain, the sadness, loss story and build and perpetuate
itself, may we choose to let the wonder, the feelings of safety, celebration, the bliss, the
gratitude sink in!
Let the joy sink in! Let us live in enthusiasm!
It is amazing the work that we can all do for and with each other; the deep effects of intentional communication, commitment, reflection, shared world view, life path, love..dedication thru the fiercest weather. This is where the strength and growth happens; in the wild winds of change, in the deep cuts of rushing flows, in the turbulent falling away of the ground beneath you... its all about the center.
Yes, we lived the honeymoon period BIG and bright ! We went on adventures new to both of us, processed openly together, laughed and sweated in our vulnerability. Then we got pregnant less than 4 months in, that was big. Scary. It was literally life shaking, but that is another story. We were in love lust adoration crushing hard, feeling the magick. That is all that mattered. IT was there. We listened to the call of nature and we followed thru. 16+ years later, still strong and happy. HOW!?
For years i was sure that the sky was gonna fall, that there was no way things could be good for so long. I would suspect some creeping evil to be lurking under this mans steady veneer. I would feel the antagonism between us in an argument and think, "Oh, this is it now, its the end for sure. We are not meant to be together." I would feel longing for someone more this or that...
It has not always been easy. So often the things that attract us are indeed the things that challenge or repel us and vice/versa. You know those people you can't stand, they are around you for a reason. This too the blessed reflection of relationship. Well, with us there have been revelations upon revelations and much patience and persistence to ride the waves. I have been the fierce weather. He has been the rock. Sometimes too cool a rock. Sometimes my weather too fierce for his gentle sensibilities. But alas, i need that cool and he knowingly chose me for my fiery nature. And so it is, we seek out what we need.
Many of my previous relationships were exactly what i needed at the time; a reflection of my father stuff, a feeling of safety, the thrill of instability...all in their own time, with their own challenges and gifts. Thank you all, my friends, for your role in this play we all create together that we all may know ourselves more fully.
May we recognize our demons and how we scorn them in those around us. May we see what these 'demons' really need. We all have the same needs. It takes patience and practice to PAUSE ll. Pause, and see the need underneath the behavior. If we can connect to each others innate humanness and look beyond the constructs of ego, conditioning, personality, etc.. then we find the truth that connects us. This goes for ALL relationships. When someone feels fear or shame they will often act out in anger - is this because they want a fight, really? No, of course not. They want, as we all do, to feel safe, honored, loved.
I have been blessed with friends and this love that is honest AND honoring. Each time we can give this love and honoring to ourselves, to each other we heal old wounds, we step into our power, our true power - the power of the heart. It is this power of the heart that will heal the world. Each time we push away what we see inside us or curse it in another we perpetuate the pain. Each time we run away from a familiar pattern in a relationship, we find it again in the next one.
As i have managed to not jump out of the car during a fight and not abandon this deep work in our relationship, not run away when things were hard, so our toolbox has grown. We have a strong foundation, strong holds to weather any storm.
Some of our best tools have been; NVC - Non-violent communication, Non-Dual Tantrik Philosophy (thank you Hareesh Wallis), Yoga overall - breathing, moving, meditation together and on our own.
Best teachings from his wise parents (thank you Ron and Barbara Wilbur) who were together for 66 years (until his passing last year).; 1. You Only Get 7 out of 10 (of your list of ideal mate qualities), Have friends for the rest. 2. Sex is the glue. 3. take time away from regular life for relationship maintenance.
And on the mention of sex. It was pivotal for us to learn about tumescence (from Taoists sexual teachings). Sometimes we will be hating on each other when we want/need each other the most - pent up sexual energy acting out as irritation. Recognize this, if it has been a while and you are being mean to each other, take some small intimate action to warm back up - massage, bath, appreciations... Or if you can muster it - just DO IT! Stay present, breathe into it - feel the moment, connect!
All of your efforts will be rewarded. The more you put in, the more you get out.. and this does not mean giving and giving. This means patience, courage, vulnerability. Ask for what you need, see and address your friends needs. Know your demons, see theirs. This is not YOU or THEM, there is no blame or judgement. This is conditioning, things the mind bore at some point to protect itself. Feed these things in yourself and all the world the nectar of the thing they truly NEED. Feed what serves LIFE. Live fulfilled. You are so worthy. It is worth the work to be in service to your relationships. Then we remember our connections, our innate wholeness. We are vehicles for the highest good for ALL. LOVE...