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Planting Seeds in the Dark

1/16/2020

it is winter solstice as i first write this. I have just gotten home from visiting my mother, the first trip that i can remember returning home from and not feeling depressed about it all. Magick happened on that visit. My daughter now sees my mother as "magickal". Magick has indeed happened for this to be true. Soon after arriving home i receive a package in the mail from Santa Rita jail - some incredible art with an even more incredible apology that i had given up on years ago after exhausting myself from trying to forgive again and again. There are so many little points of light arriving with this Solstice, so many seeds that i had planted with thin hopes are finally finding their way to the light...
This poem (below) was written in the swirls of conversations with a couple of people that ive been having communication challenges with around this same time, feeling despairing... Yet, i remember, and i listen and watch for these moments in life and nature where we are being taught and reminded even in our forgetting and fancies of quitting.
I want to acknowledge that i know that none of this is very polished. This is what I have always thought a BLOG was for and i decided not to change my mind about it BLOGS (such a funny word) are for sharing casual, honest life experience that may help others. All of your comments and questions are welcome. May the turning of this year be blissful for you, may you feel steadiness even in the wildest weathers. Blessed be...

PLANTING SEEDS IN THE DARK

Planting seeds in the dark,
knowing, the light will return
Listening to my heart
hearing her cries as she burns
to death, this waning life
chilling , what once remained warm

I struggle with being alright
w/ wanting more & more
w/ wanting nothing & giving up
because the walls are not giving in
for over them, it is heard to see
the future which ive quested to believe

lying in darkness, cocooned
truthing thru hardness
knowing its difficult to receive
one who gets so marooned
eacho f us is an island of our own
nto getting what we need
neither giving all for what we plead

i am planting seeds in darkness
knowing the light is coming
trusting the light is coming
hoping...
the light is coming

i listen to your pain in the dark
not knowing what to do with it
knowing, i have something
to do with it

i am the light
you are the light
we are turning
the earth is turning
the moon appears to be turning

sometimes, everyone has just got to
be with their hurting
the heart of each failing
to feel like we are unworthy

i am planting seeds in the dark
seeds of remembering
for times of forgetting
things are growing
all is ever changing
we are all worthy

i struggle, i falter
i bow before the altar
all of it, altered
everchanging...
stop wasting life wishing, blaming...

i preach, i pray
i feel in to what to say
i mince my words
chop them up into little bits
scatter them like horse shit
to fertilize what hopes to grow

but why hope?
when one proclaims to trust life

i ask you whats going on with you
you dont answer most of my questions
you ask me more questions
it is easy to get distracted by these,
talk about myself
altho what is desired is to hear you out

we suffer our silence
our stories become violence
are these words well spent
or best hoarded

i just want to connect
my heart yields
to prioritize "protect"
mind says, "deflect"
- this is not yours
yet, alas - we want the same thing

i am still here waiting
for you to take everything
wishing i could teach you how to
take everything & get over it
but thats not really what this is for is it?

Planting seeds in darkness
visiting place of struggle
trusting the light will return

enduring thru doubt
wanting to quit - not quitting

i sit with patience
i work with diligence
i allow myself ease
with the unease

& so in the darkness
despite doubt & hopelessness
despite fear & pain
i witness the turning
experience the cracking open
see seeds planted
release sprouts of new life

i see courageous arms
reaching for the light
feel daring hearts
trusting that they might
be safe to grown and change
to seek their own way

where once it was not seen
now the light grows
vulnerability shows
a powerful grace is rising up
we live, we struggle,
we love, love, love...

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Breakdowns & Breakthroughs

5/13/2019

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Day 2 of moon cycle, April 2019 Re-Cognition (to learn again, to take new perspectives)

Trigger Warning: discussion of mental illness, anxiety, panic attacks, trauma, drugs, self harm & cursing.

***************I apologize in advance if any of this triggers or feels offensive to anyone who suffers or loves someone who suffers. I hope that this can be heard as my still unfolding understanding of my own experience. I share it with a shaky tender heart as honestly as i can. This is not intended to be a judgement or a ‘how to’ for anyone else’s process. I am sharing part of a process of re-cognition. I think and hope that my honest share can save someone else some unnecessary struggle and offer hope and kinship on the path to self knowledge and healing.*****************

Still fucked up after all these years…!?

I talked to Mom today. I miss my Mom. She’s on the East coast and i only see her once a year these days. I haven’t called for months. I am feeling like a bad daughter. My absence = my guilt.

Guilt, blame & shame are the heritage of my lineage.

Talked to my life partner about our mutual beloved whom i have previously hurt emotionally by being harsh. She still doesn’t trust me. Still repeating stories of my past ignorance, frustration and struggle that have caused her pain. I feel my shame/ guilt trigger kick in and my tone/ energy become defensive.

I am sitting at the computer for a rare two hours in this overworked month to tackle a challenging list.

I call my daughter to see about her making her way home from college, her FAFSA needing completing, etc.. She tells me that FAFSA is my job as i sit before a mountain of things to do, and i am looking at the payments i have made to her school. As i sign on to try to find her FAFSA my own OLD school loans pop up and remind me of decades of shame.

Passwords, taxes, marital status (or lack thereof), debt, confusion, ...stress….

“Something” in all of that triggered what i am now recognizing as a subconscious reactive pattern showing up in the form of an anxiety/ panic attack.

I have previously vehemently avoided labels. Since i was first “diagnosed” i have rejected the naming as it came with prescriptions (more on that later). I have entirely resisted considering that i had an anxiety disorder or panic attacks my whole life.

Meanwhile, my mother is in a constant state of depression and so stuffed with the unexpressed emotions of her traumatic experiences that she seems (to me) ready to burst with violent outbursts or tears at any moment. My stepfather as well, always angry and depressed. I have lived with all of these as my default states. I was born with a rebellious, ebullient nature which i was too rarely able to express safely. I was beaten and shamed for being too loud, crazy, expressive, emotional, for singing!, etc…

(Exhale…)

So, back to yesterday - I felt my nervous system “short circuiting” - that is the best way that i can describe it. That familiar feeling of edgy, over-full, jittery, jarring, about-to-explode energy. My breath gets short. My heart races. My muscles, especially my jaw, neck and shoulders, tense extremely. There is a physical response (to the situation) that i feel is largely out of my control.

I know i want to be calm and show up reasonably and responsibly for my daughter. But what i am feeling is not rational. I cannot think it away. I cannot breathe fully. I try. I practice breathing everyday. I try to lengthen the exhale. I try to get a bigger inhale. I try to relax my nervous system. It is not enough. I cannot get enough breath. I feel as though i am drowning, suffocating…
FUCK!
I am still crazy after all these years, after all of this work… (this is the thought that wants to keep imposing itself, that wants me to feel helpless, suicidal and quit trying).
Still trying to breathe deeper, i try to explain to my nearby partner what is happening to me physically. I ask for help, “Touch me, ground me, i need pressure on my shoulders...rub the base of my skull…” I offer directives as specifically and calmly as i can but i feel scared, and so he feels scared and tentative, hesitant.. This only makes me more upset.

I’m asked what’s wrong, “did something big happen that i missed?” It’s a fair question, and it’s triggering, like the story inside that there is something wrong with me for having these kinds of feelings…
It is unexplainable. It’s the way that i have always been under pressure. Except usually i freak out, scream, yell, hit things, break things, run away…

Except,
Today i do not run. I choose not to freak out. I sit and watch the raging fire, i take what breath i can while feeling like i’m drowning...
I can see it more clearly now. I am not this feeling. I need not be consumed or subsumed by this feeling.
After years of practice and being more and more able to quell these feelings, i can SEE what is happening and i am not caught up in it entirely. There is space between “it” and “me”. This is not me. This is my body. This is fight/ flight/ freeze response. This is a subconscious reactive pattern. This is the circuitry that was wired and fired during early trauma to protect me. Here it is, rearing its ugly head, trying to protect me again. The velocity of the response is as though a tiger is coming.

It takes 2 minutes to shift our physiology. I know this. The thought is there along with the witnessing of my feeling of out of control physiology.

I feel like the breathing is not working. I want to quit trying, i want to scream…

JUST> Keep> BREATHing.

I kept breathing. I turned away from the triggers of technology and finances. I ate food. It is not how i would choose to calm but food does calm me. I remembered forward folds - they help. Pressure on my head and body helps. Sound helps; sighing, moaning, singing (if i can get enough breath!). Yelling helps too but then i always have to deal with the consequences of “being crazy”, of hurting/ scaring someone else too which just continues the tangle of this messy head business. Trying not to yell…
Things quelled. Something new had happened. I wasn’t clear on it yet.

I went to teach my evening classes. Humbled. I spoke to breath practice - the need to create foundation for when we need something to hang on to, so that we have a default level of understanding/ trust that we can fall back on when it feels like breath is not enough. So that when we feel ‘crazy’ we can just keep breathing. Observe the fear and trust the process. We can get to know in our bones that it all will keep changing… Although in the moment it can feel like the end of the world.

Breath is catchy - like yawns, when people around us are stressed and breathing shallowly or calm and deep breathing, we can feel it and tend to do the same things subconsciously This is where our early conditioning often begins, from our parents modeling.

I was born into a traumatized, stressed out, reactive family. As a teen in recovery i found yoga. I stuck to yoga because right away i felt more connected than i ever had in mind, spirit and body. It was literally awe inspiring to feel such a connection with the layers of self like i never had before. Mind body and spirit greeted one another consciously for the first time. I felt my first melting, my first glimpse of open awareness.

The next day I sent my daughter this text;

“Good day my love. I want to apologize for my anxious communication yesterday. I am really working to not let those physical reactive patterns eat my head and disrupt connection and yet, sometimes, in the moment, or for a couple of minutes, even focused on deep breathing, i fail. I am on my moon, i am overbooked right now and sometimes my nervous system just feels like it is short circuiting, it’s more and more rare these days and i am having more space to witness it so i am realizing more what is happening. I know you have lived with me being this way your whole life. Im sorry. I’ll try to recognize the triggers more and back off and ask for help or go to my practices sooner. Anyways, i love you. I want you to be able to be at ease even when there is a mountain of things to do before you… i am still learning that.. I hope that you can more easily.
… thank you, i love you, please forgive me...

She called me back as i drove yesterday. I realized while talking to her that i have an anxiety disorder that i have had my whole life. I inherited this from my family. I had not named it before. I realized that I and my family all have what is now called anxiety and depression and that i / we/ the world has passed it on to another generation.

As a teen i was suicidal, I self medicated, became a full blown daily user, addicted to cocaine from 14-16+ years old. I hit bottom hard and fast. I / the grace of the divine got me to the authorities and I got sober.
I have broken many chains, but not all. My daughter breaks more. Together in our processing we grow up, we evolve.

In rehab i was told i was manic depressive amongst other things and that i should take drugs (the message i got) for these things. I was trying to kick drugs! I was rebelliously perplexed at being offered drugs. I now realize that besides trying to escape my self loathing, misery, shame and abusive home life by doing drugs that i was trying to balance out my own chemistry.

It would have been nice if we were taught how our brains work in rehab. I guess we (as a culture) have now learned so much more about neuroscience and trauma that maybe those in charge didn’t actually have the means to share then? I certainly have learned so much more and am on fire to share the learning.. I think it could save many lives. Hence, this vulnerable share.

Anyways, i talked to my daughter and apologized for not seeing / knowing / accepting that i had an active anxiety disorder while she was growing up. I had rejected all labels as they seemed to come with drugs, excuses, and “poor me” / victim mentality. My baseline (thanks to my survival-oriented mom) has always been to work hard to make the changes that need to be made, to fight (thanks dad), and tough it out through whatever arises: all feelings (except maybe anger) aside. I was able to make much change and have profound healing from this old school place of thinking, and presently i continue to awaken to more healthful ways to grow and change.

So when my daughter began to have panic/ anxiety attacks i thought she was “catching” them from her friends as many of her friends were experiencing some sort of these at the time. It seemed to me to be a trend. I wondered where she got this way of reacting to life.
Was it because i had had scary outbursts and now she did not trust life and would break down in fear? She would not let me touch her during her episodes. It was so hard for me. I felt so much guilt and shame and really wanted to fix it. Yet, i also told her she didn’t need professional help. Ignorance.

I pushed her to not let the thoughts get to her, to think positively, to breathe more deeply, to have physical practices to move energy. These things can be helpful, we both now acknowledge, but at the time, I made it worse for her. They don’t always work immediately or fully in the moment of “attack”, or at least being told to do them by your hard ass mom doesn’t necessarily help in the moment. She felt (she tells me now) like something was really wrong with her. She didn’t understand (as i didn’t) why she was feeling helplessly, uncontrollably the way that she did.

I tried to make her tough, like i was made tough. I told her to toughen up, that she would not be able to get through life with this kind of weakness. It was not until i read Ta Ne-hisi Coates’ book, “Between the World and Me,” where he apologizes to his son for trying to make him tough, that i truly realized and had such lamentable sorrow for what i had done to my baby.
I am (once again) realizing how much i can stop being “tough” and soften even more, slow down even more… This has been my recurring lesson for decades now.

I am so sorry, babe...I seem to be such a slow and resistant learner.

We talked about how, when she had these things (emotional/ physical reactive patterns) going on that she was glad that she knew they had a name so that she could research (thank you internet!) and learn more. She found communities of people dealing with the same things and supporting each other.

This broke my heart a bit more open, for her and for my young self - forcefully pushing through where i could have been supported. If i had more information, if i had known/ accepted/ acknowledged “labels,” then i could have supported her more...I could have moved beyond feeling like i was “fucked up” my whole life, hating on myself, ashamed of where i came from, and thereby perpetuating the patterns! No matter how much work i did, the reactive patterns kept reappearing. Over the years, more space came between incidents, but i still had a long line of beloveds who thought, just as i did, that i was “crazy”. I ashamedly received their decree because i believed it. I didn’t know any better then, now i do.

I am not “fucked up”. You are not “fucked up”.
It is arguable whether or not the world is fucked up.

Either way, we have sensitive, pliable, and resilient nervous systems. We can repattern our thought/ feeling connections and thereby affect the chemicals that pour into our system as a cellular response to emotions. We can change our physiology. It helps to understand what is happening. Labels can be good for this. Research and community are helpful. None of us need be victim to our genealogy.
We have the power to make choices, to take action, to change and to break the chains of inherited conditioning, subconscious response due to trauma and threats that are no longer present. We now have tools, wisdom, and support at our fingertips. It is a blessing of this technological age. The information and resources we need to be supported (including pharmaceuticals and plant medicines) are readily available. These can be powerful, necessary things to help us through transitions.

My experiences have taught me how powerful my mind/ thoughts/ emotions are.
My perspective is that we ALL have the power to change these things within ourselves. When we do, the world around us changes… and it ripples out…

My purpose is to continue to heal and unfold the unabashed fullness of my Self and to help and inspire others to do so as well.

Let us abolish shame. Shame is a killer. It literally causes inflammation in the body. Science has taught us that inflammation is the root cause of all (?) chronic pain and illness. Let us honor our own processes and one anothers’. We get well together.

Some things I’ve found to help release feelings of panic/ anxiety/ anger/ depression;
*counting visual or musical patterns
*physical pressure
*rubbing gently the base of the skull/ cranial nerve 10 - the vagus nerve
*screaming into a pillow, toning, chanting, humming, growling, singing
*meditation, ultimately it will create the space to witness/ be with rather than react or identify with the feelings
*studying and truly knowing (thru practice) that it takes less than 2 minutes for an un-storied emotion to pass thru your system (see Jill Bolte Taylor, “My Stroke of Insight”)
*un-story your emotions, take the shame out of them! Honor your feelings by witnessing without judgement. Let the energy MOVE through you.
*notice how your day can turn from wonderful to terrible in an instant and how you can choose to do the opposite and turn a terrible moment into a wonderful one. Wonder & curiosity help.
*anything that brings you back into your body Eat, run, shake, do yoga, massage yourself, hug a tree (really!;)
*don’t get stuck thinking one thought - keep shifting your attention
*continue to seek out new methods of helping yourself!

For references to mind/body/ emotional healing and neurobiology i want to honor some of the sources i have learned from and encourage you to investigate more of; Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor, Dr. Bruce Lipton, Dr. Candace Pert , Dr. Mario Martinez & Dr. Darren Weissman.

Deep gratitude and honoring to my generous and and courageous daughter, Ola'i for her willingness to share this story unedited. I checked in with her with NO pressure to share it all. She was completely open to the full share. Ola'i you are my greatest teacher of all. I love you beyond words. Thank you for all that you are.

& to all of my Yoga teachers, to all of my students as teachers, Thank YOU! It is an honor and blessing to be on this path of unfolding fullness with you all.

Great honor and respect to all of the lineages and teachers of yoga that encourage self knowledge and expansion. May India flourish and benefit multifold from the immense catalogues of wisdom that have been so generously shared with the world. May we all know times of peace where we can be so blessed to have time to study and grow in a good way.

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An Interview With Native Society & Lucid Dawn

5/11/2018

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The Native SocietyPositive Perspective Platform: Inform Inspire Aspire

LUCID DAWN: MOTHER, WIFE, TEACHER, COMMUNITY ORGANIZER, RITUAL LEADER & ARTIST
THURSDAY, APRIL 26, 2018 AT 06:14PMMy NativeAdVantage:
Bio:
Lucid Dawn has been on the Yogic path since 1994, five years into recovery from an abject early life of illness and abuse. On this journey she has learned many healing modalities. She does not subscribe to one 'style', but honors and integrates many. She specializes in yoga for healing and creativity. She is thriving as a mother, wife, teacher, community organizer, ritual leader & artist. She is also the founder of the performance artist-activist/ yoga band, "Nona Fender & the Benders"
Lucid is fervent in her desire to help others thrive. She weaves the teachings of Yoga; movement, breath, meditation, & Non-Dual Tantrik philosophy w/ ritual & practice that acknowledge; season, celestial movements, and phases of life. She includes the use of sound healing & expressive arts. Her studies in theatre, music & voice, neuroscience, cellular biology, nutrition, essential oils, Non-Violent Communication, earth magick, energy medicine, & Lifeline Healing Technique also inform her teaching. She is dedicated to embracing all beings & all aspects of being for a full celebration of life, including courageously facing death
What do I do best?
What i do best is to weave all aspects of self, being, yoga, & other healing modalities into an integrated whole. It has been my practice for myself to heal and learn and is what i see as a need and natural occurrence in our world of information right now. I am a world bridger. I am here to heal divides, to offer up an even more juicy and integrated path for creative, sensitive, healing beings to celebrate life and unfold their greatest offering to the world. I tend to see the big picture and have an impulse towards things before they are in the mainstream.. I believe it is a time of synthesis, with so much available to us right now - a time of bringing together wisdoms and peoples for the highest good for the whole. I think that is one of my natural gifts - to bring people together in celebration of life & weaving many modalities to do so.
What makes me the best version of myself?
Trusting the flow of the divine thru me makes me the best version of myself.. Listening to the noisy, wordy voice of ego is sabotage.. I practice listening to the voice beyond words. When i trust the honest impulse of universal energy that causes me to speak, not speak, touch, reach out, it strengthens that hearing, intuition, instinct, inspiration… Taking pause is crucial to being and expressing my truth. So, i meditate, i listen, i write, i reflect.. These things keep me at my best.
What are my aspirations?
My personal aspirations are to continue to slow down and become gentler, calmer, and more compassionate while remembering where i came from. I also intend to continue to see where others are on their own path with clarity, compassion and patience. I intend to live without judgement but with passionate and available inspiration and guidance.
My business aspirations are to grow a worldwide movement that holds people in circles of love and trust to open and connect and clear lines of resistance in bodymind - to find personal and societal wholeness. I wish to teach people by way of experience how to hold circles for seeing and healing all aspects of ourselves - whole, self accepting people will be the ones to create a whole, undivided world.   My vision is that these ancient and new ways of circling and processing will become once again models for our renewal on the earth - where people know their purpose and honor the role that each being is here to play - with respect and connected support. May we meet and may i have the power to teach being in circles of relationship, creation, respect, wisdom sharing, and sustainable world bridging.
My Biggest Success?
My biggest success in life so far is raising a child that is strong, confident, independent, talented, compassionate, driven, magickal, healthy in mind body spirit and sexuality. She is friendly and supportive and stands up for the ‘underdog’.   She is motivated by social justice and inspired by the beauty and wonder of the world to break boundaries, stretch limiting ideas and create art that raises up the level of consciousness and inspires all to be their own best (or weirdest on purpose) person. I am grateful to have had the tools and courage (presence of heart) to push thru challenges in relationship with her father (my husband) and to have largely not handed down the sicknesses that have leaked down for generations in my lineages. She has made it thru childhood unscathed and enters the grown up world now as a powerful beacon of YES! I dedicated myself to her thriving and i see the rewards in that.. Now, i want to do that for everyone..;) <3
My Most Challenging Moment?
Well, i guess i would have to pick up on my last answer to reveal my most difficult personal decision.. It had incredible impact on my life to keep the child that came to me when i was only 2 months into a relationship, and just after losing everything in a fire. In no way was i traditionally “ready” to have a child. We were new together, we lived in an artist warehouse that was under re-construction to build a dream space to service community - but was highly toxic so we stayed outside in a motorhome. We were crazy about each other but he planned to be a touring musician and i had just left a successful, but soul degrading life of commercial modelling and acting in Hollywood for a free floating hippie artist Bay area life… Then the fire - i really had NOTHING - except this new love and trust of the universe… We were scared.
I made the decision on my own, despite outer resistances, to keep that baby no matter what. I just knew with a knowing beyond words that this is what was happening, altho most people and situations in my life clearly indicated that it was a “crazy” thing to do. I am so grateful to have had the capacity to listen to this knowing and trust myself and the universe to follow through.

My Motto?
Breathe Deeply, Live Fully. Throughout the course of my yoga practice and training (& LIFE!) it has struck me again and again - “the breath!, wow! the breath!” It’s so basic, i know - but so mind blowing, so life transforming to be aware of the breath and what is happening when we are breathing fully or not. I have noticed patterns in myself and my family and students around holding the breath, holding emotions, holding tension, fear, old trauma, etc.. in the body - which i now see clearly as not living fully. This is holding back.   When we breathe deep and full, emotions come- words, thoughts, our truth comes out.. and this can be scary. It can also be the greatest gift to be in touch with the breath and notice when we are holding the body tight and not breathing fully - then we have the choice to breathe, relax, speak our truth, connect to others, connect to the actual moment at hand and therefore - WOW! - the fullness of life that can arise from living courageously in this way.   The breath moves emotions and changes reality/ physiology. Breathing deeply and consciously, using the breath to shift my energy has enabled me to do lots of things, to make lots of connections that i might otherwise have been holding back on.
My Favorite People/Role Models?
My favorite people / role models are; (in no particular order) - Caroline Casey, Starhawk, Suzanne Sterling, Marshall Rosenberg, Nina Simone, PJ Harvey, ...there are also many fine female yoga teachers who weave music, activism, magick & myth into their work that i am grateful for and inspired by. I want to touch people’s hearts, i want to inspire, i want to teach and lead with excellent communication and fierce love as i think all of these beings above do.
My Favorite Places/Destinations?
My favorite travel destinations have been;
Maui! - i feel it as the womb of mother earth, i love and miss her like a long lost lover when i am away too long. The verdant land, the Aloha - the true Hawaiian spirit of connection to all of nature is present there for me. The animism that enlivens everything and awakens, deepens ones connection to nature is so alive for me there. I love Maui and want the Hawaiian culture to continue to re-establish itself, to grow and thrive and remind all beings of what aloha and living in harmony with nature really means… and oh swimming naked in a warm ocean at sunset (especially while hearing the whales sing underwater!)! - YES! heaven on earth.
Brazil has been my other favorite place to visit - i LOVE the language, the music, the warm bouncy sensual nature of the people, the colorful aesthetics and celebrations.
I also love redwoods and faery lands, the way that big trees can just lift energy UP and host sooo much LIFE! I love hiking,climbing and being in nature. Tree hugging is actual healing and energizing!
I hope to go to Ireland and Africa and India in the near future!
My Favorite Products/Objects?
My favorite objects tend to be things that ring sing vibrate sound - i love musical instruments, singing bowls, tuning forks, bells, harps, resonant string instruments, bass drums, …
I love crystals and sparkly things of all sorts, the former for their earthy healing powers and also the latter as i seem to be attracted to anything that sparkles and shines - i love the play of light and color in the world in general - i am an artist who appreciates art and beauty.
I also seem to be really into gold shoes. i have a *bit* of a collection of them.
My Current Passions?
My current passions are awakening to what is next for me! I have been realizing my new freedoms and letting go of old identifications as i sent my daughter off to college this year and woke up to how much my life and identity had been structured around being a mom and no longer needs to be!
I have also been feeling really motivated to be a world bridger between Neo-tantra (modern California/ Western, sex based “tantra”) & Non- Dual Tantra which is the tradition that i am steeped in. I actually got introduced to tantra thru the sexuality healing practices but later discovered what an epic lineage of Tantra there is and how deep and wide the philosophy & practices are - and actually how little most modern/ neo-tantra has to do with its roots, and even more so, how little most neo-tantra teachers know about the history, roots, practices and philosophy of actual Tantra. I honor that our world is largely sick in its approach to sexuality and it is time for healing and awakening of our sacred sexuality.   I honor that these people intend to be doing good work in the world and largely are. I also see clearly that there is a hyper focus on sexuality which is so easy to sell and can be quite dangerous to those who do not have a foundation of self care, self knowing, mental wellness, physical practice, meditation, connection to the divine, basic communication skills, integrity, etc…   These things and more, that non-sexual yoga and other healing practices have to offer help one to build a strong energy body and foundation that can handle the intense energies and relationships that come when one opens their sexual self up so much.
My main focus & thrust is self healing & living fully. The work that i bring to others is all about connection - to all layers of ourselves, to the earth, to one another, to spirit - it is about not leaving any part of ourselves or our experience unseen, undigested, unloved - but embracing the fullness, the wholeness of all that we are and our experience here as embodied beings. I think it is important when focusing on one branch of any discipline or practice to know well the tree that holds that branch up.

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WHAT IS THIS EXSTASIS?

9/30/2017

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WHAT IS THIS EXSTASIS?
My Experience and a Heartfull of Invitations to Yours

    Exstasis is the experience of connection that takes you outside of your limited sense of self.
Most of us live in a quite contracted sense of self. It is the conditioning of our culture. We are taught to define ourselves by our aesthetics, our interests, our ideals, etc…. We are told that we should “just be your self”. This might lead one to think that they should only have one way of being. We are taught even more indirectly, but possibly more impactfully, that there is not enough for everyone.. that we are separate. Our whole culture often seems to be built around the idea that you had better “get yours” before someone else does.

   I grew up in a survival oriented family. There was not much treasuring or celebration of life. My self was squelched. I suffered the struggle and was silenced often in my self expression with violent actions and language.

I experienced a taste of exstasis in church while singing in the choir amongst the stained glass light streams. I experienced tastes of exstasis while playing in the woods and hearing the natural world speak. These were my escapes.

   I had my first fully ecstatic experience in a circle of people gathered together to get well. At the end of a 12 step meeting people connected in a circle, held hands and said the serenity prayer. I saw myriad colors of light coming from all of them, raising up to the sky in a point. It felt like a great prism or teepee. It was charged with an incredible energy. I felt the presence of the divine charge through me like lightning and I was startled awake. I had never seen/ felt people supporting each other in such a way before. I clearly heard, from a voice beyond words in that moment, my life purpose. I understood that I was alive to be a part of this and to cultivate and expand this sense of connection and support. I felt all of those people as one, myself as part of this one. I saw that this is truly how the world becomes a better place - with connection, togetherness and intention for the highest good.

   I have since felt exstasis on many occasions; in performance, ritual, prayer, playing music, in yoga, chanting, breathwork, dancing, making love, living life…. Really, I feel it daily and more and moreso as a natural state of being. I feel like each welcomed experience of this openness and connection to all beings, all nature, to the divine and formless Self adds onto itself to create an ever more accessible and ‘normal’ state of being awake, fully alive, connected.

The most continuous ecstatic states I have experienced have been in nature; being in yoga w/ nature, climbing mountains, standing under waterfalls, swimming and singing with the whales or dolphins… I know no place better to do these things than in Maui - I feel Maui as the womb of mother Earth and as a great lover. Sometimes Maui is out of reach. Nonetheless, there are countless breath, sound, meditation, awareness, and movement practices that can take us out of the mundane in any moment, anywhere. These practices are how I find true joy and ease day to day no matter where I am. These, I would like to share with you.

Please join us if you can in Oakland this Fall/ Winter for an 8 week series of ecstatic practices @ Mohari on Grand Ave. Eenor & I, w/ special guest teachers, will be guiding you to your natural state of well being, to your bliss body, to your YES! To all of life!
You might also consider joining us in Maui February 12-18, 2018. We are leading a carefully curated, Ayurvedically catered ecstatic practices retreat w/ Yoga, meditation, Tantrik philosophy & practice, ritual and ceremony for healing and connecting deeply to yourself, others, nature, and spirit. As we cultivate & find ourselves in flow states, we heal ourselves and charge ourselves up to bring that healing back to the rest of the world.

https://www.wetravel.com/trips/exstasis-in-paradise-retreat-to-maui-lucid-dawn-maui-county-28186823
https://mohari.life/classes-workshops/

with ecstatic breaths,
lucid dawn

2 Comments

HOW TO BE WEIRD

8/16/2017

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How To Be Weird

“As far back as Ancient Greece, both Plato and Aristotle made comments about the peculiar behavior of poets and playwrights. Aristotle was the first to note the relation between creativity and depression, an association that has also been suggested by modern research.”

Shelley Carson, Scientific American, Spring 2017

    I am a multi dimensional spirit playing at being human. I believe that we all are.

    It seems though, to many of us as young people, that others know exactly who they are. It seems like people have chosen who to be and/or just show up that way with mysterious ease.

    I've been on a quest to see if all people feel like they have a plethora of people, voices, ways of being inside of them. Or do some people just have one clear, simple voice and therefore no effort or choice around how to show up each day?

   I tend to think that this perceived need to 'choose' one way of being stems from worldly conditioning. Now, I know I may have an exceptional number of voices in my head. But intuition tells me, as do many people, that most have more voices in their heads than they let be expressed. All things that arise just want to be acknowledged. Some do arise as a result of poisons in our environment. These things we can choose to notice and not act out about, or find the proper venues to. That can take practice.

As I have been writing this blog, I found an article in Scientific American from which I drew the quotes above and below. The primary point of confirmation that i got from that article is that creative people actually have less “filtering” so we can literally be bombarded by voices, ideas, feelings, thoughts, impressions which can cause one to withdraw or go manic and act out. They can drive us crazy or be the rich well of material that we source our unique creative expressions from. These things can seem weird to others who have more filtering.

“Drsyam Sariram” is a Tantrik Yoga phrase that means “consciousness is an actor”. The idea is that Consciousness/ Divine has contracted to become each one of us - to see all that it can be, so it is natural that each one of us, as consciousness itself, would have the impulse to also investigate all that we can be.

    A healthful bodymind requires observation, knowledge and expression of all aspects of ourselves. As Jesus said, "If you bring forth what is within you, what you have will save you. If you do not bring forth that within you, what you do not will kill you." (Thomas, 70)

    My goal in life is to give people permission to be all that they are or might want to be, to provide containers for these expressions. It has taken me a long time to give myself this permission and likely I still have more to discover, since I am still alive!

    It seems that I have cultivated a fairly good balance between "weird" and normal. I teach yoga to nice, “normal” people in therapeutic settings, at corporations and to the creative at wild crazy parties. I'm asked by my daughters teen friends, “how did you get here?”

How did I go from the identity struggle, showing up borderline schizophrenic, from being traumatized, drug addicted, suicidal, manic depressive outcast to being successful and confident on so many levels? It's such a great question and opportunity for me to reflect, hence this writing. I often think I should just say "do yoga!, do what I do, just do it!”.   Yoga is ultimately about integrating and connecting all parts of yourself, all aspects of life. It has been a major support on my path. It could be said so easily, but indeed there has been a dedicated practice upon a rocky path to my current rewarding life.
    So here is what a few of the steps along that path looked like;

Noticing the Bumps - things to be wary of;

-believing the labels - whether they be from the doctor, parents or peers - you are more than any label could describe - do not believe the labels. The infinite universe created you.

- The repelling armor of "cool"

- The repulsive armor of "too cool"

- The trap of 'undifferentiated difference' or identifying with obscure trends. It may be different than the mainstream but this is not the unique you, this is subculture.

- Identification with subculture

- Judgement by or of those identified with subculture

- Professional rejection, or fear of, due to your out of the box choices

- Fiery spirit of rebellion. This may help you to break out of a mold, but might also be a wild swing away from your center, which is where your truth is.

- Playing the game, not playing the game. It's all about timing and quantity, most all of us have to play ‘the game’ (ie; roles) at some point, just don't take the game for reality.

- Thinking that you are different than everyone. We all have the same basic needs, meet there.

Steps- Things to DO to get thru to your power place;

- Cultivate a fiery spirit of rebellion with a wise sense of discernment. Keep the balance.

- Have a physical daily practice. Notice what energy or emotions arise each day without personally identifying with them. You are not your emotions. Let them move through. Emotion = energy in motion, or energy that wants to be in motion!

- Take risks. Go to an event wearing something that makes you happy no matter what you’re "supposed" to wear there, stay happy in it.

- Travel, go to new places, hang out with new people, go to the aquarium. See the truly beautiful weird of nature. Weird is good.

- Think of your uniqueness and creativity as your secret weapons.

- Learn to talk to your brain. I like to say, "that's nice brain", when it is saying things that once would have sent me into a downward spiral thinking how awful or awkward I am.

- I have come to know that my thoughts are not "me", they are not true, i did not make them up, and I do not have to believe or react to them. In other words, as one of my fine spiritual teachers says, “do not let your mind make you its bitch". Or as I will now say, “your mind is a tool, do not be its tool”.

- A teaching of the Yoga Tantras is that thought is another sense. So, just as we might receive any sensation, I encourage you to begin to receive thought in this way. Just as we might think, "oh I am cold" we do not actually believe that we are cold, and think, “oh my god, what is wrong with me!?” We know that we just 'feel' cold and it will pass. Next time you have a thought that might make you feel like, “OMG, what is wrong with me!?”, try to remember that it is just a thought. It too will pass if we don't make up stories or act out about it.

- I believe it is the identification with, as well as the repression of thoughts and feelings, that make us feel weird about who we are - or who we think we are. When we feel weird about who we are, then others do too. When you show up outside of the "norm" and someone, including you, catches you expressing yourself in a way that "most" people don't, if you hold on to feeling weird about that, it ripples out… Others will feel weird about that too. If you can go with, "wow, I just said / did that", and own it as a momentary, naturally arising thought / action, and not a big old 'weirdo' sign on your forehead, then others will let it go too. It may even spark the most
interesting conversation that you have ever had. It may even give someone that you are talking to permission to express themselves honestly and spontaneously rather than editing or withholding based on their conditioned ideas around the things that one is "supposed" to say/act like, or not.

- "supposed to be's" are killers.

Yes, to some extent we need some 'supposed to be’s’. These are societal agreements that can move us forward more directly than the meandering that creative mind tends towards. But there is only one agreement that we truly need. I whittle it down to the simplest, (thanks to the Wiccan tradition), "harm none".

If what I am feeling to express will harm none (at least intentionally), then we are all good. Let the honest flow of being be...

    Also, of course some editing is good if you want people to talk with you. If you just say everything that is in your head, then there is likely not going to be space for anyone else to speak. Take pause to savor, listen, and question, "does this (what i might be impelled to say) serve life?, does this serve the dialogue? Is this the right time/ place for this?”

    If we are not considering other people in how we show up, then it may be that we could practice pause. Have compassion and listen to how others are feeling. Remember that we all have things to express, all of the time. Obviously, we cannot all do that. Maturity is knowing when to courageously express, when to allow space for others to do so, and when silence needs to happen. This is a practice.

Silence can be very uncomfortable for the insecure. When allowed, though, silence can be the greatest nourishment to the security of oneself or the situation at hand. Silence is time for the sinking in, for assimilation, processing, reflection. These practices are crucial to our becoming integrated beings.

    I encourage you to aim for being integrated. Breathe deeply, allow the pause. Take space from your thoughts. Invite your deep breaths to embrace all that you are, all that arises.

Let the exhale release doubt, fear, and tension that is not serving your highest self. Inhale spacious, vibrant possibility. Allow yourself to just be. At your core, at your essence, you are whole, perfect, and beautiful no matter what has or hasn't happened to you. All of the rest is just the dance of life as it moves through this experience you know as "I/ me". You get to
choose what to do with it.

“Genius can share certain potentially negative traits with mental illness, but when these traits are combined with specific positive attributes, the result is creativity rather than psychopathology.” Scientific American, Spring 2017

Let yourself be as you are naturally inspired to be. Love the divine gift that you are. The universe created you, and countless other awesome things that you get to celebrate life with!

Big love and thanks to all beings who have withstood awkward feelings and criticism and thereby given us all permission to be more creative and expressive! Cultural rebels spur evolution! You make the world a better place.

Keep on breathing through the awkwardness of being perceived as weird and find yourself stronger and an inspiration to the world!

Big love and thanks to Pablo for asking me how i seem to be so comfortable with being a weirdo and further inspiring this reflection and blog. Thanks for being such a brilliant weirdo, i really look forward to seeing how you grow with it! :)

“Creative individuals tend to score higher on scales of schizotypal personality than less creative individuals...study participants who score high in a measure of creative achievement in the arts are more likely to endorse magical thinking - such as belief in telepathic communication, dreams
that portend the future, and memories of past lives. These participants are also more likely to attest to unusual perceptual experiences, such as having frequent deja vu and hearing voices whispering in the wind”
Scientific American, Spring 2017

How to get more creative? That's another article in the works, and actually a class that I teach, rich with yogic and mindfulness based practices as well as theatre games, play and insightful rest!

Contact me for more information or sign up for my newsletter at www.lucidyoga.com

JOIN US in Maui 2/12-2/18/2018 to go deep into flow states @ our retreat "Exstasis in Paradise" - yoga (all aspects), music, nature, community, & more...
https://www.wetravel.com/trips/exstasis-in-paradise-retreat-to-maui-lucid-dawn-maui-county-28186823

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Dear Tantra Friends,

7/17/2017

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Dear Tantra Friends,
My work is to be at peace with all aspects of myself and life. To me this means to be
connected, clear, honest on all levels. I consider “you” an extension of “me”. I appreciate the
work that you do and I do not want to poo-poo that in any way. Therefore, I have the need to
call your awareness to some things. It is often confusing to people when one says that they
teach or study Tantra. What is this “Tantra”? Is it a sexual thing? Actually, No.

The name. Tantras are the books, scrolls, texts that hold the information, practices, etc, that
are the seed knowledge of the neo-Tantra or sexual Tantra practices.
See the links below to connect to the original source texts.

The meaning. The word Tantra itself means to stretch, as if on a loom. Therefore one could
also imply; to weave, or to expand. The word yoga, which of course most know means union,
or to yoke, join (as in all aspects of ourself) I think gives a lot of permission. The lesser known
meaning of yoga is to go where we have not gone before. In the Tantrik tradition yoga means
‘the state of attunement’. This all together very much says ‘Yes’ to me, to you, to the work that
we do. Yes, to the evolution of yoga.

The tree. For a healthy evolution It is crucial to know your roots. The sexual practices are
about 1% or less of the tree of Tantrik practices, a little tiny branch on the tree. Yes, our world
needs healthy sexual practices right now, I agree. Sexual suppression and the resultant
wounding that has ensued is a sickness deeply rooted in our cultures. The healing has begun.
With integration of all parts, it will deepen.

The honoring. It is time to once again honor our bodies, to honor pleasure as a gift of the
Goddess, to be open and clear with communication and learning, and to learn how to channel
these energies. It is also a time of great revelation. The feminine has been repressed for far
too long and her truths are now being revealed. It is time to bring the Goddess back. This
means to me that we need to do some research and learn about where what we are teaching
and practicing came from. Let us be sure that we are not being a mouthpiece for the
patriarchy and perpetuating diluted truths and straight up lies.

The real deal. Much of what has been handed down to us in the yoga / Tantra world has been
extracted from the original tantras by a Goddess suppressing uprising of patriarchy and by
westerners who didn't know any better, mis-translating these incomplete extractions.

The teachers. I have been blessed to study these past 6+ years with two passionate, world
class male western teachers who are doing their part to shine a light on what has been
suppressed, ignored and where we have been misled. These two light beings are rich with
wisdom, humility, and integrity. They truly revere the Goddess in all of her forms and are two of
a rare handful of people in the world that can translate ancient Sanskrit /Tantrik texts. They are
dedicated truth seekers. I'd like to give thanks to Hareesh Wallis for introducing me to the true
Tantra. His work has been an invaluable source of inspiration and guidance. Currently, I have
been working with Christopher Tompkins who is finishing his PhD on this subject and has
uncovered some great revelations. The Goddess is coming back in all of her fullness with the
help of these two.

My history. I have been practicing asana and studying the science of Yoga since 1994. I, like
at least 1/4 of our population has had some deep sexual wounding; molestation, rape and the
ensuing self hatred, fear, acting out, etc... I moved to San Francisco and took my first (Neo)
Tantra training in 2000 with a powerful Dakini named Malia Ma. I had just had a baby and
during that process, including the bonding with her amazing, honoring Daddy, did lifetimes of
sexual healing. When I finally took my official Yoga teacher training in 2007, and was directed
to the primary texts of The Yoga Sutras and The Hatha Yoga Pradipika, etc., i instinctively felt
that something was missing from the texts. I habitually (like women have to do most often) read
past all of the “he” to find myself, and as a modern person, blocked out the strict teachings
against sexual energy and even denial of the body itself. I was in a hatha yoga training after all.
At this point I knew that sexual energy can both take us to God and be a big problem. I did
meet Chris Tompkins in that training and fell in love with Sanskrit via his teachings. It wasn't
until my Anusara training in 2011 though, that I was truly introduced to Tantra with Hareesh
Wallis and finally found my philosophical yogic home. I have been incredibly blessed and
overwhelmingly obsessed since then.

Seeing what our world needs. Meditation has given me much space for reflection and
receiving pratibha, which means “instinct, intuition, inspiration”, the knowing beyond words. I
can see the big picture, how everything on my path and the (tho sometimes painfully slow)
unfolding of the world makes sense. We are learning our Oneness through the pain of our
separation. The opportunities are great right now. As I said earlier, it is clearly a time of
revelation. A big part of this revelation is the reclaiming of the feminine, for all. Feminine to be
clear, does not mean female. (But that's a whole other subject to dive into in another writing)

All areas and aspects of our selves have latent energy. Returning to the Tantra focus here,
I'd like to mention Kundalini, as so often Tantrikas do. Kundalini is the movement of life force
energy, not just sexual energy. It is not a ‘thing’ laying there at the bottom of your spine
awaiting some ultimate orgasm. It is shakthi, spiraling through you, on your breath, 21,600
times a day. Your energy can be more or less stagnant in areas depending on the fullness of your breath,
the movement of your body and the movement of sound through your body. Yes! You are alive
and have great potential in all areas of yourself to live more fully alive, to vibrate higher, to
celebrate life in all its fullness, sexuality included and undistorted.

What to do about it. Watch out for getting hyper focused on any one aspect of yourself or life.
The juice is in the connections. The relief, in my experience is seeing the big picture and the
way that all things weave together. The true power is in the integration of all parts.

Energy gets boxed in by our words and stories. It is easy to feel that a part of you is sick or
dormant if you are told that it is. If your kundalini were dormant, you'd be in a coma. I
encourage you to open up to “what else?”. All of you is spiraling with Shakthi as Kundalini
descending and ascending your whole life long. All of your experiences, ecstatic and traumatic
are rich with energy waiting for you to claim it, name it, & channel it. Your energy goes where
your awareness goes, where your mind goes, where your words go. Where are your thoughts
going? Choose wisely the ones that you focus on.

Vibrational practices. There are many powerful vibrational practices in the tantras that help
to clear stuck energy in the body mind in order to renew ourselves and live our fullest, most
vibrant lives. You probably know some already; repeating japa mantra, simply AUM-ing,
expressing your self in song or orgasm with an open throat, etc... Do what you know and keep
seeking, singing, playing, discovering for yourself. The original practices have largely been left
out of modern yoga but are currently resurgent. See ways below to learn more.

Resources. Check out the excellent book, ‘Tantra Illuminated’ by Christopher Hareesh Wallis
for history and practices. Look at www.Tantrikstudies.org, for more from him as well as
TRUeducation.com for online recordings and ongoing workshops. Find exciting new work,
including new translations of things you thought you knew about, from Chris Tompkins at
YogaVidhi.org. He has recently translated and compared scrolls that reveal many lost
teachings which he will be revealing at upcoming events in the Bay Area and online.

Chris Tompkins and I will also be holding space together, w/live sound science by EEnor, for
“Vishuvat”, an Autumnal Equinox day long retreat, immersing in Kundalini on Saturday,
September 23 in Lafayette, CA.
https://www.facebook.com/events/1394040103964537/

We will also be leading a retreat to Maui in February with Chris Tompkins as a special guest
teacher and EEnor as our sound scientist and musician. There, we will dive deep into the
Tantrik Yoga teachings, and many other ecstatic practices.
See my website, www.lucidyoga.com or
lucid yoga on Facebook for more info on that.
https://www.wetravel.com/trips/exstasis-in-paradise-retreat-to-maui-lucid-dawn-maui-county-28186823

Thank you for listening, for expanding, for being a true yogi and allowing your knowing to be
open. May you feel the nectar of life overflowing from your heart. Blessed bee...

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Natural Migraine Headache Relief

3/31/2017

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I've been wearing glasses and getting migraines since at least 3rd grade. My mother has had migraines for aslong as I can remember...
I am ready to be cured.
I've been practicing yoga for 23 years.
I've been teaching Yoga for (officially) for over 10 years, sharing the practice with friends and kids for over 13.
I've been studying neuroscience, cellular biology and energy healing in bits and pieces but with great
enthusiasm for 5 years.
It's all coming together.
I'm almost entirely migraine free.
They come for brief visits at the end of my moon cycle, but less often, and are less in intensity and duration.
Oh, sweet relief.

Migraine headaches used to knock me (and dear mother) down for days. No matter what pain
relief I took. Sometimes even to the point of vomiting. Now, I use yoga (physical, breath and meditation),
essential oils, and an attitude adjustment via mindful awareness practices.

It may be different for others, but I have also worked with many other people (especially women)
now who have been migraine sufferers, to help them find relief. I see the familiar patterns that we all carry.
I now know how to dispel these patterns in myself and would like to offer my experience,
hopefully as a blessing to your relief.

First, the patterns;
- moon cycle /hormonal fluctuations, chemical imbalance
- Go getters, type A's, mothers, high responsibility positions especially with;
- Tense/clenched jaw/ TMJ
- Shortness of breath, upper chest breath only
- Subconscious fears/ ideas around not being enough, not being good enough, not having
enough time/money/worthiness/ security or lack of security around financials, family, job.
With internal messages/ pressure of "gotta do/ gotta get/ need to be..."
- Tight/ rigid /frigid /reluctant sexuality
- Herpes Virus (also can come w/ sciatic like pain in legs), triggers; stress, low immunity,
hormonal imbalance, alcohol, caffeine, sugar, dark chocolate, pistachios, peanuts, etc..
- Trigger foods, as commonly known; red wine, caffeine, sugar, smoked and aged things, night shades...(CHECK!)
- Head forward of shoulders posture (more relates to headache/ neck ache than migraine but
same muscles often are quite tense in both cases)
- Toxic environment
- dehydration!!!

The solutions;

- Be sure to avoid trigger foods especially around moon cycle

- Be well nourished with lots of dark greens in diet, b vitamins, iron, magnesium, balance of
daily vitamins. Since I have begun using Purium products I have had even less incidence of
headaches trying to get me at the end of my moon cycle.

- Lysine is especially important in keeping the Herpes virus from arising. So is good nutrition
and restraining from alcohol, chocolate and caffeine, especially when immunity is low, such
as at the end of the moon cycle.

- Our moon time is calling the body to slow down, there is a natural weightiness and wane of
energy. Too often we do not allow ourselves the pause. Tension headaches are often due to
an internal tug of war. Allow yourself the pause. Men have a cycle too in which a time of
reflective pause, turning in and self care are needed, it may not be so obvious as there is no
blood flow, but nonetheless - biorhythms, we all have them...

- Divya karana, relax the face, let your jaw hang, soften the tongue at its root, soften skin and
muscles around and behind the eyes

- Run the coldest water you can stand on the crown of your head, or use an ice pack where
tension is showing up.

- Breath practices, there are many. I will list two here;
1. inhale through the nose, down the
front body, exhale up the spine and out the mouth. Really let the jaw hang. Sound can help
on the exhale, "aaah..", or "Ng...",
2. is what I call "unicorn breath"- breath in, imagine breath is coming in through 3rd eye center,
then imagine breathing up and out thru the crown of your head, all tension rising up and out
with the exhale, you might imagine this as a light cord or horn lifting you up.

- Physical practices- yoga for clear alignment & biomechanics, gentle pressure to forehead
and crown of head, neck /jaw/shoulder releases, yin & restoratives...
(see practice video @ https://youtu.be/IGebuQbx8VE )

- Mantra - any Japa or repeated mantra can clear the mind which can be helpful. Most of all I
find vibration helpful. Brahmari/ bees breath is great. Make the sound of "Ng" like the end of
the Om. Extend it for the whole length of long slow exhales, send the sound up into 3rd eye
center, into the pineal gland, add to this effect by gently turning eyes towards eyebrow center
and bring tongue lightly to the highest point in the mouth (this also helps to release the jaw)

- Meditation - just allow yourself to sit and BE, magick happens. It's a practice. Don't try to do
it "right", just be..

- Energy medicine for re-patterning subconscious - notice the default state of your mind.
Notice the underlying thoughts and feelings. Would you choose these? What would you
choose? Make it a practice to repeat that I AM often. Please contact me if you would like to
schedule a session to do some re-patterning with the Lifeline Technique.

- Masturbation/ orgasm. Yup, it's ok. It's healthy, even. The need to release and transmute
energy on all levels is real.

- Trust life. Trust life. Trust life. Everything is working in a cycle. Receive and let go. Control
is an illusion. The tension in jaw, head and shoulders is often the result of trying to control our
reality.

- Essential oils are magickal concentrated distillation of pure earth medicine. There are many
that can relieve emotional and physical stress and tension. DoTerra makes a great blend
called "Past Tense" among an abundance of others. I love to share the plant medicine.
Contact me if you have questions or want to order, I'm happy to help.

- Detox, cleanse, and nutritional supplements... crucial complements to life! If we do not detox
ourselves once in a while on purpose, then nature will do it for us through pain and sickness.
We can avoid the big sicknesses by attending to the little ones with healthy practices.
Drink more water!

Reach out for help if you are having trouble balancing your life. We've all been there at one point,
I've been there at many. Finally thanks to years of Yoga and health study I am balanced and
healthy most all of the time. So grateful. Happy to be your consultant on this. It is time for
me to give back.

Blessed be. I bow to you in honor of your beautyfull spirit. Thank you for walking this path that
we walk together. Namaste.

0 Comments

Take Pause Amidst the Storms

2/7/2017

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Remember all that there is to be grateful for. Trust the turning, the dark, the letting go... Allow yourself time to rest, to dream, to vision.
Sometimes we get all in our head. We leave parts of our bodies, minds, lives untended.
I encourage you now in this time and especially whenever things are difficult to practice with fierce love, with deep gratitude.
Movement connected with intention, opening all parts with yes, thank you, thank you, thank you.. this is the medicine. Practice with care, practice with passion. Meet where you are at with nourishment or with its balancing quality.
Trust the struggle, the loss, the death. As nature shows us, no thing goes away completely, it is always turning into the next thing... As tragic and depressing as our socio-political climate might be right now, as divisive as it may attempt to be, it is bringing us together. The sicknesses are being (blantantly!) revealed so that they can be healed. That which has been ignored, now being violated, shouts out its pain and people are coming together in support.
As we allow our self time to rest in silence, in the dark, then we become open to the Pratibha (instinct, intuition, creativity). We can "hear" the voice beyond words. Then we just know what to do. Divine speaks to us and then we may speak with ease and confidence and bring to the world what is needed at this time. It will continue to move and change. It is a practice. Sometimes it may seem much smaller of an answer or impulse than we hoped for but one thing leads to another and every little bit of love counts.
Keep on loving. Keep on trusting.
May we see beyond the momentary struggle, ugliness, fear, etc.. to the bigger picture. Every tragedy, every loss brings us together. We are stronger together. It is time to unite in solidarity for the rights of all. This must begin in our hearts. Give where you can, go where you can, but most importantly may we hold the remembrance of our inter being in our hearts so that all of choices and interactions are for the highest good for all.

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Living Breathing Sleeping Yoga

2/7/2017

0 Comments

Good Day, Beauty!

Have you visited that special place in your home where your altar/ your sacred space and your practice meet today?
Are you finding ways to balance the elements of your body today? Can you feel the blessings of earth body and sky breath flowing to you thru you as you!?

Do you remember that you are a whole and perfect expression of the universe? That you are held and loved and celebrated? I celebrate you! Thank YOU for showing up so courageously, playfully, gorgeously for yourselves and each other!

May your heart continue to shine so brightly! __
Another place we can bring Yoga is into our sleep. Have a dream journal, set the intention to remember your dreams and write down anything that you remember in the morning. Even intend to practice in your dreams! Meditate, receive the wisdom of all the worlds!
Yoga Nidra is a form of sleep, or deep guided relaxation which offers a receptive space for the subconscious mind to receive your intentions!
I gift to you this recording that i made of a short (19 min) Yoga Nidra practice. Find a comfortable place to lay down, set a clear intention "I AM..." (whatever energy you would CHOOSE to show up with at this time, and dont actually sleep until it is over!
https://soundcloud.com/lucid-dawn-1/january-22-2016-5-02-27-pm

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AUTUMN YOGA PLAYLIST 2016

12/12/2016

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Gayatri Mantra - Deva Premal
Dance of the Seven Sisters - Deya Dova
Virabhadrasana Two - Dharma Gypsies
Eternal Om - Dick Sutphen
Red City - Drumspyder
BAtone Bo - Hu Dost
River - Ibeyi
Stars (instrumental) - John de Kadt & Steve Gorn
Ma Durga - Lokah
Primavera - Ludovico Einaudi
Orchestral Suite No. 3 - Maya Beiser
Sea of Stars - Mc Yogi
Purnamadah - Shantala
Hineni - Heather & Benji Wethheimer
Veerabhadra (dj drez remix) - Sound Ambassador
La Mer (Beyond the Sea) - Django Reinhardt, Stephen Grappa
Breathing Out - Shamans Dream
Love Letters to God - Nakhp & Medicine for the People (link below, im crazy abou this song right now...;)
https://youtu.be/UNFYPL9p0Io

LOVE OUT LOUD NOW!!!

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AUTUMN YOGA PLAYLIST 2016

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